One fine morning, the eternally dissatisfied Peter Schiff, whose mustache itself seems skeptical of the modern age, woke to the thunderous trumpeting from the distant lands of cryptocurrency. “Look! Bitcoin’s up!” they cried; hats were flung, monocles popped, emojis sprinkled everywhere like confetti at a czar’s birthday party. And yet, Schiff, blinking through his existential neurasthenia, regarded the ticker tape as if examining the patient charts in a provincial hospital—unimpressed and, perhaps, a little hungry for rye bread.
True, Bitcoin took a brief promenade up to $104,836, only to realize it had left the samovar boiling and shuffled awkwardly back a few rubles. At this summit, every speculator found reason to dance—except, of course, our dour protagonist, Mr. Schiff, who simply straightened his vest and muttered, “Bitcoin isn’t skyrocketing.” One might have hoped for violin music in the background, but alas, just the droning hum of Twitter. 🎻
Instead of joining the revelry, Schiff brushed some invisible dust from his lapel and gestured vaguely toward international intrigue: “The world is losing faith in the dollar.” After all, what was a mere $105,000 among friends, so long as treasuries tiptoed to 4.5% and the American budget behaved no better than a tipsy uncle at the dacha?
He typed—no, declared—upon X, which used to be Twitter before it became an existential riddle: “De-dollarization is accelerating, and the fallout could be enormous.” His tone: part Cassandra, part office manager confronting a scandal involving stolen tea bags.
Amidst this, gold—once the darling of grandmothers and fearful oligarchs—pouted in the corner as Bitcoin pirouetted across the stage. Investors, unsentimental as Moscow pigeons, began to wonder if perhaps the new hedge was digital, prone to wild mood swings, and regrettably, meme-driven. 🕺🪙
So while Schiff clings to his bar of gold, reassuring it with soothing words and perhaps a lullaby, Bitcoin continues its peculiar ascent, bringing forth a parade of believers convinced their tulip bulb is the future. Who’s right? Well, ask the next bear you meet at the train station; he’ll have an opinion, and so will his cousin.
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2025-05-14 10:53