The Queen of Finance Tempts Fate: Crypto ETNs Make a Comeback! 🚀💸

In an audacious act of financial daring, the U.K. Financial Conduct Authority, that ever-watchful nanny of investments, has proposed unshackling retail investors from their chains and allowing them to flirt with the dangerous allure of crypto exchange-traded notes. Because apparently, risking everything is the new British pastime.

Normal Financial Promotion Rules to Apply

The illustrious FCA, that benevolent guardian of fiscal virtue, has announced a plan to lift the ban on offering crypto ETNs to the common folk—those unfortunate souls who believe in fairy tales of quick riches. If the gods of bureaucracy smile upon this proposal, everyday Britons will be permitted to indulge in crypto ETNs traded on the “recognized” exchanges—an elegant euphemism for “we’re watching you, but carry on.”

As if this were not enough drama, the FCA assures us that standard financial promotion regulations will reign supreme, meaning investors will be duly warned of the risks—though one suspects that many will ignore such pleas of prudence. They will also be spared the “inappropriate incentives” that once lured the less discerning into the abyss.

David Geale, in the most serious tone, declared: “This consultation demonstrates our commitment to supporting the growth and competitiveness of the U.K.’s crypto industry. We want to rebalance our approach to risk, and lifting the ban would allow people to decide if risking all they own is a good idea, given they could lose absolutely everything and then some.”

Back in January 2021, the FCA, in their infinite wisdom, decreed that retail clients could not partake in the wild west of derivatives and crypto ETNs that referenced unregulated crypto assets—a decision based on their belief that retail investors lacked a “legitimate investment need.” As a result, the U.K. became the only Western nation to ban these products, a move described by a Coinshares executive as a display of “erroneous belief that they have no intrinsic value,” which, of course, is just British understatement for “We’re terrified you’ll lose everything, so no.”

Yet, after more than four years of abstinence (and perhaps some sleepless nights), the FCA now pronounces that lifting the ban will bolster the U.K.’s growth and keep it competitive—because what’s more British than risking it all in a game of financial roulette? However, because control is still in fashion, the ban on retail access to crypto asset derivatives remains the steadfast guest at this wild party.

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2025-06-06 22:00