The SEC Hacker’s Fate: A Year or Two in the Slammer? 🤔

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Ah, the modern world! Where a man can ruin reputations with a single click—what a delightful place to live! Here, the defense attorneys for Eric Council Jr. have gallantly proposed a mere twelve months and one day in the cold, dark prison cells for their client, who had the audacity, no— the genius!—to post a fake announcement claiming that the US Securities and Exchange Commission had granted approval to Bitcoin exchange-traded funds. Truly a scandal to shake the very foundations of this great nation, or perhaps, to laugh at with a glass of vodka in hand. 🍸

The prosecutors, ever so dramatic, wanted a two-year sentence. But the defense, not to be outdone, suggested a somewhat more “merciful” punishment. “A sentence of twelve months and one day serves the ends of justice,” they proclaimed with the self-assuredness of a man who knows full well he can’t escape the inevitable. The reason? Well, because this length of sentence would “promote respect for the law”—as if any rational person has any respect left for laws in the digital age. It’s almost like expecting respect for the postman after he lost your parcel. 🙄

Council, in a moment of unexpected enlightenment—or perhaps just pure pragmatism—changed his plea to guilty in February, admitting to a charge of conspiracy to commit aggravated identity theft and access device fraud. A lesser offense, we are told, despite the fact that he participated in the kind of swindle that would make any cunning criminal proud. The judge, Amy Berman Jackson, has demanded the prosecutors clarify where exactly they pulled the felony charges from, as if this court case were a poorly written novel.

Prison sentence between 1 and 2 years?

Oh, what an agonizing decision! The SEC hacker’s sentencing is scheduled for May 16, and it promises to be as thrilling as watching paint dry. Prosecutors are demanding a two-year sentence, accusing Council of “profiting through a sophisticated fraud scheme.” Fancy that! A fraud scheme so “sophisticated” that it earned him a mere $50,000 from his SIM swap adventures. Well, in the world of hacking, that’s what we call ‘pocket change.’ 💸

As Council’s case draws to its dramatic close, there’s a new twist. The District of Columbia could soon see a new prosecutor-in-chief, Jeanine Pirro, appointed by none other than President Donald Trump. This, of course, may stir things up in the prosecution of crypto-related cases—because what’s better than one courtroom drama? Another one just like it, of course. Stay tuned, dear reader, for the next act. 🍿

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2025-05-13 20:19