This Crypto Move Will Make You Laugh, Cry, and Maybe Actually Trade at 2AM

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Hold on to your wallets, folks! Coinbase, that San Francisco tech salad bar, just put a ring around the clock and shouted, “Let there be trading!” That’s right—now you can buy, sell, or panic over Bitcoin and Ethereum futures anytime. Midnight crisis? Why not! Monday morning malaise? Trade it away! They’re the first CFTC-blessed U.S. crypto casino (I mean, “derivatives exchange”) to do this. Mazel tov!

Back in March, they hinted at this wild idea—apparently realizing U.S. traders don’t actually love “business hours.” Meanwhile, the rest of the planet trades crypto 24/7, including probably your grandma in Sweden. In fact, 75% of handwringing and ecstatic YOLO-ing in crypto happens while America is asleep or watching NFL reruns.

Now we’ve got contracts in all sizes: nano if you want to feel frugal, jumbo if you want to feel like a high roller with extra stress. Hedge, speculate, stay up late—Coinbase gets it. The crypto world never sleeps, and apparently, neither should you. Sleep is for gold bugs!

All this spinning wheel of futures is being “cleared” by Nodal Clear, a fine upstanding institution that the CFTC trusts to supervise around the clock. Nothing says “peace of mind” like trying to explain derivatives to your Uncle Mort at 4 AM. Oh, and they’ve got big names like Virtu Financial pouring liquidity into the market. There’s so much liquidity, you might need a towel.

Paul Cusenza, Chairman and CEO of Nodal Clear, said something about this being a “fundamental evolution.” I think that means “We’re all in now, baby.” He’s proud, Nodal is proud, his mom’s probably proud too. 24/7 risk management because, as any comedian knows, risk never sleeps.

If you want a slice of this crypto action, just go through your favorite FCM, like ABN AMRO, Wedbush Securities, or Coinbase’s own shop. Andy Sears at Coinbase called this a “game-changer.” Hey, it’s certainly a change. And who can resist a good game?

Meanwhile—because someone had to go big—Coinbase just dropped $2.9 billion (with a “b”!) on Deribit, a Bitcoin and Ether options bazaar. I bet someone got a fancy fruit basket out of that deal. They’re also working on “perpetual futures.” Because apparently, trading forever wasn’t enough. There’s always room for more excitement (and possibly antacids).

So buckle up. The market never closes, and neither does the comedy.

🥒💸⏰

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2025-05-09 20:08