Tina Fey’s Take on Crypto’s Wild Week: Billions Lost, XRP Ousted by USDT 🤑

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Well, well, well, what do we have here? The crypto market had itself a little temper tantrum this week, shedding almost 7% of its total value. That’s right, folks, from a cool $4.124 trillion to a slightly less cool $3.842 trillion by Aug. 30. It’s like when you accidentally spill a smoothie on your favorite shirt-disastrous and messy, but hey, at least it’s a story to tell!

ETH, BTC, and XRP Take a Tumble

Oh, the crypto rollercoaster! By the time the dust settled at the end of the week, the total market cap had taken a nosedive, plummeting nearly 7% from $4.124 trillion to $3.842 trillion by Aug. 30. And if you thought that was a wild ride, wait till you hear about the individual performances. 🎢

Let’s start with the drama queen of the week, ethereum (ETH). On Aug. 24, ETH hit a new all-time high of $4,955, breaking the $4,900 barrier like it was made of paper. But, oh, how the mighty have fallen! Just 24 hours later, ETH was trading below $4,370, a drop of nearly 12%. It tried to make a comeback, peaking over $4,650 on Aug. 27, but the rally fizzled out, leaving ETH down 8.1% for the week. Talk about a diva! 💅✨

But ETH wasn’t the only one feeling the heat. bitcoin (BTC) also had a rough week, ending 5.4% lower after sliding from just over $115,000 to around $107,700. According to Bitstamp data, BTC hit a low of $107,389 on Aug. 30, its lowest point since July 8. Poor BTC, it’s like the cool kid who suddenly finds out they’re not so cool anymore. 😔

And let’s not forget about XRP, which started the week strong, trading above $3, but ended it at a measly $2.81. With a 7% decline over the week, XRP’s market cap dipped below $167 billion, causing it to lose its spot as the third-largest digital asset to USDT. It’s like being bumped off the bestseller list by a self-published romance novel. Ouch! 📚💔

Other high-cap altcoins didn’t fare much better, with DOGE taking an 8.8% hit, ADA plummeting 10.1%, and SUI and XLM recording double-digit losses of 11% and 13.4%, respectively. It’s like a Black Friday sale, but for losers. 🛍️😢

But hey, not everyone lost their shirts. A few altcoins managed to shine through the gloom. CRO closed the week 106% higher, and UCN was the star of the show, surging by a whopping 4,900%! But, you know, even a few bright spots couldn’t save the overall market from closing the week in the red. It’s like trying to cheer up a friend who just got dumped-it’s a noble effort, but sometimes the tears just keep flowing. 💦😢

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2025-08-31 00:28