Trump Begs, Powell Ignores, and Crypto Smirks: How Rate Cuts Lost the Spotlight

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Stately, rotund, coiffed, the former President brays afresh at Jerome Powell, sovereign of the Federal Reserve—a gladiator’s thumb, ever-downward! Once, crypto’s chorus would quiver with Pavlovian zest; now, they yawn, whisking cappuccino froth from their beards. A cut? The market shrugs, moving on, perhaps to a love affair (clandestine, always clandestine) with the next bullish gossip.

Somewhere between the paper crane of a US-China handshake and the cacophony of moneyed newcomers and silicon-tongued code, the specter of recession slipped out the door—left behind like last season’s altcoin. Crypto, barely ruffled, eyes the next shiny thing.

Trump, the Unyielding Maestro of the Interest Rate Opera 🎺

With tariffs sharp as a matador’s sabre, the global bazaar wobbled. The cryptoverse crooned for rate cuts: “Release the liquidity!” they cried. Didn’t someone say hope is the thing with feathers? Trump, though, brought the whole aviary, squawking furiously at Powell—who, with statuesque indifference, did everything but send carrier pigeons in reply.

After a brief flirtation with tyranny (“I could fire you, Powell!”), the President—unbowed, orange as the setting sun—returns (again, again, and again) with the subtlety of a vuvuzela:

No Inflation, and Prices of Gasoline, Energy, Groceries, and practically everything else, are DOWN!!! THE FED must lower the RATE, like Europe and China have done. What is wrong with Too Late Powell? Not fair to America, which is ready to blossom? Just let it all happen, it will…

— Donald J. Trump Posts From His Truth Social (@TrumpDailyPosts) May 13, 2025

Amidst this dramatic Kabuki, the industry’s influencers, mascots, and Twitter eggs chant the “money printer go brrr” psalm, dreaming of staving off the next (inevitable!) collapse with a little monetary lubrication. The FOMC, unmoved as a Sphinx swatting a fly, responded: Non, rien de rien.

the vast and echoing silence of someone finally realizing their calls go straight to voicemail. Welcome telepathic communication! And, inevitably, self-awareness (or as much as one can muster between aping and diamond hands).

Have you met Kalshi, that Debussy of market predictions? It once hummed a perky tune—three interest rate cuts by Christmas! How quaint. In March, it fantasized about four and a partridge in a pear tree. Meanwhile, the CME, stodgy as a librarian at closing time, tutted: “No cuts for you, not today.”

As the FOMC kept interest rates higher than a tech CEO in Davos, Kalshi trimmed expectations—now forecasting a modest deux. Even prediction markets, it seems, tire of daydreams.

So what pearls doth the crypto oyster yield? That Trump, despite his unrelenting Wagnerian arias, cannot coax Powell’s hand. No matter! Bitcoin dances above $105,000, tradfi nostalgics peek inside, and the gadgeteers unveil shiny novelties like confetti cannons at a fintech wedding. 🥂

Fear? That bear crept off with yesterday’s headlines. Who needs rate cuts when you have HODLers, hash rates, and the occasional meme coin moonshot?

Let’s sum up—Trumpian interest rate symphonies may have briefly swooned the cryptosphere, but that infatuation has grown cold. Should Powell have an epiphany (or an inexplicable urge to join the continentals), yes, bullishness might flutter. But for now, the market, like a cat at a jazz club, is nonchalant—eyes half-closed, ignoring old tunes and prowling after the next jingle.

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2025-05-14 02:15