Trump Family Stablecoin Outsmarts Wall Street—$2 Billion Deal Shocks Crypto Bros!

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It turns out the financial revolution Americans have spent decades dreading (or at least awkwardly denying at Thanksgiving) will come courtesy of a Trump-branded stablecoin called USD1. “World Liberty Financial,” which sounds like either a hedge fund or a theme park for libertarians, has decided its latest trick will be to supply the unit of settlement for Abu Dhabi’s MGX, which is tossing $2 billion at Binance—as casually as one might hurl a bread roll at the dinner table.

This was all announced in Dubai at the Token2049 conference by Zach Witkoff, a man whose last name would get you free bagels at certain New York delis. Witkoff assured the crowd—who were mostly pretending not to check their portfolios under the table—this was a “vote of confidence” in USD1’s stability. Never mind that USD1 isn’t available on the crypto exchanges people actually use, but hey, who needs convenience when you have confidence, or at least quotes about confidence?

A Stablecoin With All the Subtlety of a Marching Band 🎺

Eric Trump, who appeared to be there entirely of his own volition, used words like “disintermediate” and “untrusted governments,” which I believe is crypto code for “not letting Uncle Sam see my browser history.” His father—having taken a 180 from skeptic to crypto cheerleader—was presumably off somewhere sending threatening tweets to Satoshi Nakamoto’s fan club.

This entire $2 billion deal emerged from the fog earlier this year, but the USD1 twist was kept secret, perhaps in the same way most folks keep their NFT purchases secret from their spouses. Now, with the truth out, USD1 is basking in its own meteoric rise. You know you’ve made it when your digital coin gets more publicity than your third child, and with a $2.1 billion market cap, USD1 could probably buy out every lunch buffet in the tri-state area.

So far, 2,127,970,381 units have been conjured and now scuttle across the blockchain, hopefully not gathering in a sentient mass behind your sofa. BitGo, which sounds like a protein bar for tech bros, declared it the “fastest rise from 0 to $1B in stablecoin history.” It does make you wonder, since all of this happened before USD1 could even get into the major exchanges. Imagine what happens once it does—actual liquidity! Or total collapse. Either way, it’ll make a terrific LinkedIn post.

The coin began life on Ethereum and Binance Smart Chain, with plans to expand to Tron because apparently, nobody taught these projects about monogamy. Tron’s own Justin Sun showed his enthusiasm by cutting WLFI a check for $75 million, hopefully in something slightly more durable than commemorative casino tokens.

Will Anyone Oust King Tether? 👑

Of course, the drama doesn’t end there. USD1 is the new upstart in a $149.3 billion stablecoin sector, and nobody wants to say the word “bubble,” so they just talk about “disruption” with the same optimism that some reserve for fad diets or reality TV. Tether (USDT) remains the Goliath—hoarding more than 61% of the pie, while everyone else gets crumbs. On Tron, USDT is basically playing Monopoly by itself (with 98.5% share).

But wait! USD1 isn’t even on Binance or Coinbase yet. When it gets there, all bets are off, tables may be overturned, and, if we’re lucky, someone will finally be able to pay rent in TrumpCoin. Buckle up, crypto kids—it’s going to be a bumpy (and probably very weird) ride. 🚀

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2025-05-01 20:25