Once upon a time, in a land suspiciously like Florida, but with more gold leaf, President Donald Trump and his extended Trumpian entourage stumbled across digital currency the way wizards stumble into necromancy: completely by accident and almost definitely with dollar signs in their eyes. According to the intrepid—and perhaps mildly caffeinated—reporters at State Democracy Defenders Action (a group selflessly protecting democracy one juicy exposé at a time), the Trump family’s crypto coffers have ballooned to the kind of numbers that make bankers weep and IRS agents develop migraines. 💰
This merry band of autocracy-bashers estimates that nearly 40% of Trump’s treasure chest now consists of digital gold, or in this case, approximately $2.9 billion’s worth of blockchain-brewed, meme-flavored fortune. Yes, that does include his own Official Trump (TRUMP) coin and Melania (MELANIA), presumably accepted wherever designer handbags and questionable NFTs are sold, plus a rather generous helping of World Liberty Financial (WLFI), a crypto exchange so fresh it’s possibly still minting its own press releases. 🪙
As for the nonprofit’s “nonpartisan” status—a bit like calling Unseen University “nonmagical”—let’s just say the group is helmed by folks to whom “neutral” means “occasionally fact-checking themselves for sport.” Still, the sums involved could choke a hydra. 🐉
Steady your hats (preferably red and embroidered): World Liberty Financial has just enticed MGX, a slick operation backed by the deep, sand-dusted pockets of Abu Dhabi, to pony up $2 billion for a new stablecoin called USD1. In crypto terms, imagine inviting a dragon to your treasure hoard, then acting surprised when you both end up richer.
Token2049 was less an industry conference and more a cross between a conjuring act and a lottery jackpot. Zach Witkoff, co-founder extraordinaire (or possibly just the only one still willing to answer emails), announced that USD1 had become MGX’s stablecoin of choice for investing into Binance. If you’re confused, just assume the word “official” means what it always does in crypto: not technically illegal, yet. 😏
Proximity to Trump matters
World Liberty’s own scrolls—well, website—reveal the Trumps’ fingerprints all over this digital pie: a family-ghoster (think LLC, but with more lawyers) owns 60% of the exchange and a breezy 22.5 billion $WLF tokens. Because why let anyone else have fun when you can keep the magical loot in the family?
It’s not exclusively a Trump affair, of course. Enter David Sacks, once the White House’s official Crypto Czar, now a BitGo bagholder whose conflict-of-interest waiver proves even bureaucracy can have a sense of humor. “Sure,” said the White House Counsel, “what could possibly go wrong?” 🤷♂️
Then there’s the Middle East Envoy, Steven Witkoff, apparently juggling diplomacy, coin launches, and familial loyalty like a Discworld juggler—except with fewer knives and more offshore accounts. As for Trump’s sons, they’re involved too, though just how much remains as mysterious as the flavor in a can of Dibbler’s sausages.
Among the cast is Justin Sun, the crypto bigwig who dropped $30 million into $WLFI just after Election Day 2024, thus earning unlimited access to the Mar-a-Lago buffet, plus a hefty contract: DT Marks DEFI LLC, a Trump-aligned firm, now receives a handy 75% of net protocol revenues. How much of the Abu Dhabi deal will flow back? Well, if “a lot” sounds imprecise, that’s because it is—precision in these matters is so last presidency.
As the orange-tinted crypto empire expands, so do whispers about whether “conflict of interest” is just a fancy phrase for “bring your own gravy boat.” The administration seems determined to loosen rules around digital money faster than a wizard can shed robes at a sauna—SEC lawsuits against outfits like Dragonchain, Coinbase, Gemini, Uniswa, and Ripple have evaporated faster than common sense at a Luggage sale.
So, if you were hoping Trump’s adventures in cryptocurrency might lead us toward a brave new world of decentralization, think again. The strategy is less “banking for the people” and more “consolidate the loot, call it freedom, hope for a dinner invite.” 🍾🦅
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2025-05-03 17:38