Trump’s $2B Bitcoin Madness: Shocking Revelations!

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Oh, how delightfully absurd, darlings! US President Donald Trump’s little social media playground, Trump Media, has finally spilled the beans on its whopping Bitcoin holdings. And all this after Trump’s own rather enthusiastic tweet-o-rama praising the darling cryptocurrency. One can only imagine the champagne corks popping in Mar-a-Lago. 🍾😂

Trump Media’s Bitcoin Shenanigans Persist

On a perfectly ordinary Monday, Trump Media and Technology Group (TMTG) – you know, the geniuses behind Truth Social, Truth+, and that FinTech fiasco Truth.Fi – announced they’ve amassed a cool $2 billion in Bitcoin and its shady cousins. This little hoard makes up two-thirds of their liquid assets, which total nearly $3 billion. How très chic! They’re also dabbling in $300 million worth of options for BTC-related securities, but hush-hush on the details. Plans include buying more Bitcoin and converting those options into actual crypto, all to “generate revenues” and snag more digital doodads, depending on whether the market decides to play nice. 😏💼

Their CEO and President, Devin Nunes – yes, that Devin Nunes – declared with utmost seriousness that they’re sticking to their grand strategy. It ensures financial freedom and shields them from those nasty financial institutions who might discriminate. Plus, it’s all set to synergize with some utility token they’re plotting for the Truth Social empire. Because nothing says “freedom” like a crypto token tied to a platform known for its, ahem, robust debate. 🚀🤡

Back in May, they unveiled this Bitcoin bonanza plan. As per those Bitcoinist chaps, they roped in about 50 investors to raise $2.5 billion through stock sales and convertible notes. Nunes waxed poetic, calling Bitcoin the “apex instrument of financial freedom” and a crucial asset for Trump Media. One pictures him sipping martinis while typing that out. 🥂📜

US Crypto Circus Rolls On

This latest revelation comes hot on the heels of Trump’s Truth Social tirade, where he lauded Bitcoin during his so-called “Crypto Week.” Culminating in the GENIUS Act being signed – yes, they actually called it that – on Friday. Then, on Sunday, he shared a 2018 testimony from Coin Center’s Peter Van Valkenburgh, dubbing it the “greatest Bitcoin explanation of all time.” How modest! Van Valkenburgh waxed lyrical about Bitcoin and Blockchain as the world’s first public digital payments infrastructure, noting it’s not perfect but still a computer science marvel for freedom and prosperity. Bless. 🌐💡

Of course, Bitcoin’s not flawless – it’s not accepted everywhere, prices fluctuate like a diva, and it’s hardly a stable store of value. But hey, it works without those pesky intermediaries, which is apparently a breakthrough on par with the internet itself. Revolutionary, isn’t it? Just don’t ask about the energy consumption or those lost wallets. 😅🔒

Now, the White House is gearing up to drop its first crypto policy report on Tuesday. It’s meant to detail US federal Bitcoin holdings and offer regulatory recommendations, all stemming from an executive order Trump signed back in January. Expect lots of buzzwords about advancing policies and building a national digital asset stockpile. Because what could possibly go wrong? 📈🤔

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2025-07-22 13:43