Trump’s Bitcoin Bonanza: Gold?! 🤯

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So, the government’s got this Strategic Bitcoin Reserve (SBR), right? Sounds impressive, doesn’t it? Like something out of a Bond film, but with more blockchain. Apparently, those in charge are now scratching their heads, desperately trying to figure out how to actually, you know, *build* it. And, crucially, do it without costing anyone anything. Good luck with that! 🙄

Enter Bo Hines, Donald Trump’s Executive Director on Digital Assets – a title that just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? Anyway, Bo’s got a plan. A “budget-neutral” plan, no less, involving…gold certificates. Yes, you read that correctly. Gold. Certificates. I’m not sure what’s more surprising, that the government is involved in crypto or that gold certificates still exist.

Apparently, Hines reckons these gold certificates are the bee’s knees because they’re cheaper than actual gold. The idea being, the government can buy Bitcoin with them and make a profit! It’s so crazy it might just work…or it could be a spectacular financial disaster. Either way, it’ll be entertaining. 😂

Government Still Desperate To Find Free Money For Bitcoin

Trump’s executive order on the crypto reserve was, shall we say, “controversial.” Some were thrilled, others were deeply disappointed that the plan didn’t involve just outright buying Bitcoin. Instead, they want to use assets the government already owns (where did they get those?) or, as we’ve established, find “budget-neutral approaches.” Which, let’s be honest, sounds like a polite way of saying “find a way to get free money.” 💸

Executive Director of the @WhiteHouse crypto working group @BoHines talks $BTC, ways to buy more of it and the thinking behind including $ETH, $XRP, $ADA and $SOL in the separate stockpile.

— Eleanor Terrett (@EleanorTerrett) March 21, 2025

Hines, bless his cotton socks, thinks gold certificates are the answer. On a podcast, he waxed lyrical about the potential gains. He even name-dropped Senator Cynthia Lummis, who apparently suggested the gold certificate route in her Lummis Act. It’s all very exciting, in a “watching-paint-dry-but-potentially-profitable” sort of way.

Gold Certificates: Cheaper Than Actual Shiny Gold!

Now, Senator Lummis wants the Federal Reserve System’s gold certificates to potentially fund future Bitcoin splurges. What could possibly go wrong? 🤷‍♂️

Lummis’s bill proposes that the Fed banks hand over their gold certificates to the Treasury Secretary, who will then issue new certificates reflecting gold’s “current and fair market value.” Which sounds suspiciously like someone’s about to get a very nice bonus. 💰

Hines Begs For Ideas On How To Make Bitcoin Pile Bigger

Hines, in a moment of apparent desperation, is actively soliciting suggestions on how to grow this Bitcoin reserve, as long as it doesn’t involve, you know, actual taxpayer money. He claims this is the whole point of Trump’s executive order. He’s even forming a working group to gather ideas from anyone who’s willing to share. So, if you’ve got a cunning plan involving bottle caps and squirrels, now’s your chance! 🐿️

Currently, the government is sitting on a mountain of 207,000 Bitcoins – all seized through various legal shenanigans. Apparently, that makes the US the biggest Bitcoin whale nation on the planet. Who knew? Maybe we should just sell those and be done with it. But then again, where’s the fun in that? 😜

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2025-03-23 03:44