Trump’s Pardon Party: Samurai Wallet Drama Unfolds! 🗡️💼

Well, I say, old bean, it appears that the chap in the White House, one Donald Trump, has decided to stick his nose into the rather sticky wicket of Keonne Rodriguez, the fellow behind the Samourai Wallet kerfuffle. 🕵️♂️💰 Trump, with his usual aplomb, declared he’d “look into it,” which, let’s face it, is about as binding as a promise to stop eating Aunt Agatha’s fruitcake. 🍰🤞

Rodriguez and his chum William Lonergan Hill, both of whom seem to have landed themselves in a spot of bother over their crypto mixing protocol, were handed sentences of five and four years respectively. Quite the holiday camp, what? 🏖️⚖️

“I’ve heard about it, I’ll look at it,” Trump trumped at a press conference, as if he were considering whether to have eggs for breakfast. 🍳🤔 “Okay, let’s take a look at it. You know, you’ll have to tell me. I don’t know anything about it, but we’ll take a look,” he added, with all the conviction of a man who’s just been handed a menu in a foreign language. 🗣️🤷♂️

Privacy advocates and crypto enthusiasts, bless their cotton socks, have been rallying around Rodriguez and Hill like a pack of loyal hounds, arguing that they shouldn’t be held responsible for the antics of third parties using their software. Quite the moral conundrum, eh? 🐶🔒

Samourai co-founder says “noise is working”

Rodriguez, who’s due to start his porridge this week, chirped on X that the “continued noise” from supporters is doing the trick. “Thank you to everyone pushing Donald Trump to pardon Bill and me. Let’s get this over the line,” he tweeted, with the optimism of a man who’s just found a fiver in his trouser pocket. 💻🙏

In a chinwag with Bitcoin educator Natalie Brunell, Rodriguez reckoned there’s a sporting chance of a pardon if the case were laid out before Trump and his top brass. “Because President Trump has been touched by a DOJ that was weaponized against him, I think when he sees the facts laid out on the table, he will know exactly what’s going on,” Rodriguez said, with the confidence of a man who’s just solved a particularly tricky crossword. 🧩🤯

I appreciate @keonne taking some tough questions on the Samourai Wallet case. No topic was off limits.

Keonne is getting ready to report to prison on December 19th but there is an active movement to #PardonSamourai, and Keonne hopes President Trump hears his story.

If you care…

– Natalie Brunell ⚡️ (@natbrunell) December 12, 2025

Conventional appeal is unlikely

Rodriguez also mentioned, with a sigh that could curdle milk, that he’s waived his right to appeal the sentence when he took the plea deal. “I’m not 100% on that, but my understanding is appeal is pretty unlikely,” he said, sounding like a man who’s just realized he’s left his umbrella on the train. ☔🚂

The chaps initially pleaded not guilty but then decided to throw in the towel and plead guilty to one charge of operating an illegal money transmitter in July. They were staring down the barrel of at least 25 years in the clink, what with charges of conspiracy to commit money laundering and operating an unlicensed money-transmitting business. Quite the pickle, eh? 🥒⚖️

Rodriguez admitted he regretted pleading guilty but feared the judge wouldn’t allow key evidence in his defense, such as receiving legal advice before launching Samourai Wallet. After crunching the numbers, he realized a conviction meant 25 years, even if he appealed, and that the appeal would cost him another $7 million on top of the $4.5 million he’d already spent. “So the numbers just didn’t make any sense,” he said, with the resignation of a man who’s just been presented with the bill at a fancy restaurant. 🧮💸

Trump pardoned Changpeng Zhao, Ross Ulbricht

Trump, ever the showman, has already pardoned Binance founder Changpeng “CZ” Zhao in October, after he pleaded guilty to failing to maintain an effective Anti-Money Laundering program at Binance. And let’s not forget Ross Ulbricht, the chap behind the Silk Road, who was granted a presidential pardon on his life sentence in January. Quite the cast of characters, what? 🎭🤝