Trump’s SBF Pardon Flameout & the Great Crypto Gambit 🐘/PrivateEye:

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Donald Trump rejects an SBF pardon, defends pro-crypto policies, cites political support, and contrasts decisions with prior crypto clemency actions.

Well, by thunder! The Almighty Donny Trump, him who plays chess with the devil and calls it a pickup game, has thrown down the gauntlet regarding Sam Bankman-Fried’s pardon. According to The New York Times (yes, that old nemesis of truth and coffee), our illustrious leader confirmed this during an interview on January 9, 2026-sounds like he picked the date to make history’s calendar scream “Legacy?” Please. He also praised his pro-crypto stance, claiming it fetched him votes. “It’s not my fault folks like crypto more than they like my golf courses,” he probably muttered while squinting at the camera. 🤡

Trump Rejects Clemency as SBF Appeal Continues

Sam Bankman-Fried, currently seasoning the prison menu with his soul-searching, was given 25 years in 2023 for turning FTX into a crypto catastrophe. His legal team’s circus act continues in the Second Circuit Court, where oral arguments began in November 2025. One might think the judges wanna expedite things, but no-why punish someone when you can entertain the world for years? 🤷 😎

President Donald Trump, in a rare moment of candor akin to a lion tamer admitting the lion’s got jokes, declared he has no plans to pardon SBF. SBF is currently lobbying from behind bars, and the punchline is… well, there isn’t one. Meanwhile, a certain crypto oracle with 401 followers declared, “This shows Trump’s war on crypto,” or somesuch. Probably. They exist solely to write copy for robots. 🧠♻️

– Wu Blockchain (@WuBlockchain)

Prosecutors, in their infinite wisdom, accused FTX of making customers cry for billions-because nothing says “customer service excellence” like stealing their life savings. The 25-year sentence? A New York minute in crypto’s hall of shame. Trump’s refusal to pardon? A masterclass in playing both sides: “I like crypto!” while ensuring the guilty party can’t sue them for defamation about the helicopter money. Clever, or just low? 🤔

Related Reading: Crypto News: CZ Lawyer Denies Pay-to-Play Claims Behind Trump Pardon | Live Bitcoin News

Bankman-Fried, ever the political chess piece, gifted Biden $5.2 million in 2020. Rumors swirled that he once offered Trump $5 billion to quit the race-though, like most things in crypto, that’s probably just a pump-and-dump story. Trump, meanwhile, insists it’s all about principle: “No pardon for SBF because I Didn’t get targeted like him-he’s just in it for the pocket!” If Shakespeare could write modern headlines, he’d binge-watch this. 🎭💸

Trump waxed poetic about “loving crypto” as the years rolled on, claiming it bolstered his voter bloc. One mustn’t expect consistency from a man who thinks the Electoral College is a hotel chain. Still, his administration birthed the Strategic Bitcoin Reserve and a federal task force-read: “we’re regulating it because we’ve got no idea how it works.” Ay, there’s the rub. 🤡

Pro-Crypto Policies Contrast With Past Clemency Decisions

Trump’s latest act? Letting Changpeng “CZ” Zhao sail free after $4.3 billion in fines-calling it an end to the “war on crypto.” Critics, though, raised an eyebrow thicker than CZ’s LinkedIn profile. The SBF case? A universe apart. “This ain’t your mama’s crypto scandal!” Trump’s team insists. Perhaps. One’s a jailhouse revolutionary; the other a tax dodger with a exorbitant fine-and a task force to thank for it. 🤷とは

Meanwhile, the crypto market marches on, boasting $3.9 trillion in madness-$2.25 trillion thanks to Bitcoin alone. Analysts gush about “institutional investor confidence” and “predictable policy,” as if Wall Street’s ever had those. Trump’s strategery? Win believers and investors with hand-wringing and smiles. Or as Twain would say, “Give them something they can’t understand, and they’ll believe it’s genius.” 💰

SBF’s appeal? A fever dream. Appellate courts? They’d rather paint fences than overturn a conviction without a procedural error. Thus, his 25 years are as solid as FTX’s ledger. Even a Trump pardon? Unlikely, lest he spark the wrath of Wall Street’s new crypto overlords. 🚫

In the end, Trump’s opinions are the tale of a Washington putting on a show-supporting innovation while dangling hammers over fraudsters. With elections nigh, crypto policies dance closer to the political spotlight than ever. The SBF saga? Less a verdict and more a chess move on the board of comebacks. Saddle up, cryptoцы-the ride’s about to get wilder. 🐎💣

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2026-01-09 09:20