Trump’s Tariff Giga-Dividend: Crypto’s Absurd Boom! 😂

In a display of fiscal wizardry that would make even the most jaded aristocrat raise an eyebrow, our esteemed President Donald Trump proposed bestowing upon every American taxpayer a “dividend” check ranging from a paltry $1,000 to a princely $2,000, all funded by the noble tariffs levied upon those benighted foreign nations. 😏

This revelation, imparted in an interview with the redoubtable One America News Network on Thursday, has set the crypto fraternity ablaze with visions of liquidity fountains, recalling how previous government largesse flooded the markets with Bitcoin and its merry band of altcoins.

Crypto Traders Behold Tariffs as the Spectre of 2021 Stimulus Rears Its Head

The President elaborated that the plan would divert those hundreds of billions accrued from tariffs against sundry foreign potentates.

“They’re just starting to kick in, but ultimately, your tariffs are going to be over a trillion dollars a year,” quoth he, with the assured nonchalance of a man accustomed to hyperbole as a breakfast repast.

As per official accounts, these funds might serve to diminish the national debt or be disbursed directly to the populace, a veritable “dividend to the people of America,” though naturally contingent upon the approval of that ever-elusive Congress.

Treasury reports, ever the dullards of bureaucracy, indicate $214.9 billion harvested from tariffs thus far in the year, with a further $31.3 billion in September alone-figures that dance like fiscal phantoms before the Tax Court.

Unlike the pandemic handouts, which were but deficit-spawned illusions, Trump’s scheme paints tariffs as the fount of all bounty, a distinction applauded by some and scoffed at by others with the insouciance of seasoned cynics.

Enter Crypto Patel, that oracle of X (formerly Twitter), who hailed it as a capitalist coup d’état.

“Brilliant move, using tariffs to fund stimulus checks puts America first and stimulates the economy without printing more money,” he declaimed, ever the merry patriot. 😂

Legal Quagmires and Political Whimsy Echo Past Boomtimes

For the crypto cabal, the true allure resides in the downstream eddies of consumer coinage, evoking memories of 2021’s retail stampede into Bitcoin, Ethereum, and those ludicrous meme coins born of market madness.

“If this passes, it could be a massive catalyst for crypto. Remember what happened last time retail got stimulus cheques in 2021,” proclaimed trader Miles Deutscher on X, his words dripping with nostalgic fervour. 🍾

Even BitMEX’s erstwhile master Arthur Hayes and assorted pundits beyond the crypto realm wax enthusiastic.

“…the last time the US gave its citizens stimulus checks.. Bitcoin and stocks rallied hard!” observed Rufas Kamau, that sage of financial mystification. 📈

The prospect of fresh lucre cascading into speculative ventures has birthed prophecies of another risk-on orgy, especially for those fickle crypto assets.

Yet, alas, the proposal stumbles upon veritable mountains of jurisprudence. The Supreme Court, ever the pious arbiter, convenes in early November to adjudge Trump’s tariff dominion, following rulings deeming much of it as barbarously illegal.

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, the grim harbinger, warns of potential refunds amounting to $750 billion to $1 trillion should the Court decree thus, casting aspersions on the revenue’s longevity. 😒

Still, Trump soldiers on, optimistically framing it as debt diminution and populist bounty.

“We’re thinking maybe $1,000 to $2,000 – it would be great,” he opined, conjuring visions of checks that might, or might not, materialise in some future romp.

President Trump tells me he’s considering rebate checks of $1,000-$2,000 from tariff revenue.

TRUMP: “We’ll pay back debt. But we also might make a distribution to the people, almost like a dividend to the people of America.”

Tune into @OANN at 11pm ET to watch!

– Daniel Baldwin (@baldwin_daniel_) October 3, 2025

For crypto traders, the mere whisper of tariff-laced checks suffices to revive the ghosts of 2021’s bull market, fueling hopes of historical farce reprising itself.

One must not overlook the erstwhile DOGE dividend promises, which, like many grand visions, have yet to appear in the fiscal firmament. 🤷‍♂️

The salient disparity between this tariff phantasmagoria and the previous DOGE dalliance is that the latter was to be underwritten by efficiencies from the Department of Government Efficiency, whereas this latest mirage flows from tariff tributaries-a distinction as fine as the line between folly and fiscal orthodoxy. 😜

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2025-10-03 13:50