Twenty One Capital’s Bitcoin Frenzy: 43,500 BTC Hoard Incoming! 😱

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Ah, enter the stage, Twenty One Capital, that audacious Bitcoin vault conjured by the merry band of Cantor Fitzgerald, Tether Holdings, and SoftBank Group! They’re not content with mere pocket change; no, they’re plotting to puff up their digital gold pile with gusto. 🎭

The heralds proclaimed on Tuesday that this enterprise shall clutch at least 43,500 BTC, a sum fit for kings, worth some $5.15 billion, after snatching an extra 5,800 tokens from Tether. ‘Tis an uptick of 1,500 Bitcoin beyond their initial daydreams when they burst onto the scene earlier this year. 😏

Third-Largest Corporate Bitcoin Hoard, If You Please! 💸

This grand acquisition is but a pawn in their scheme toward a public debut. With this haul, they fancy themselves the third mightiest corporate Bitcoin treasury on earth, having bartered for their coins at an average of $87,280.37 per piece—oh, the extravagance! 😂

Once wedded to Cantor Equity Partners (CEP) in holy business matrimony, each share of Twenty One shall embody about 12,559 satoshis, those tiniest crumbs of BTC, as if to mock the very concept of wealth. 🤪

In a nod to feigned transparency—how droll—they introduce a jester’s metric called Bitcoin Per Share (BPS). Now shareholders can gaze upon performance in pure BTC, forsaking the dull arithmetic of earnings-per-share. What innovation! Or is it? 😒

Jack Mallers, the self-proclaimed visionary and CEO, doth proclaim with dramatic flair:

“We deem Bitcoin worthy of a public entity that mirrors its noble spirit. Armed with our cadre of allies, coffers brimming, squad assembled, and framework unshakeable, we fancy ourselves invincible—and this is but the curtain-raiser!” 😂

Twenty One Courts the SEC with Flirtatious Forms 📜

Post-merger, they vow to cradle their Bitcoin hoard in eternal embrace, all under a custody model so transparent you could see through it—like a poorly kept secret. Every BTC shall be chained on the blockchain, with reserves proven in real-time for all to gawk at. How reassuring! 😅

Paolo Ardoino, that eloquent chief of Tether, waxes poetic on this folly:

“Bitcoin isn’t merely coin; ’tis the bedrock of liberty, clarity, and grit. Twenty One embodies this in corporate flesh—quite the theatrical turn!” 🤡

The union with CEP, a SPAC puppet of Cantor Fitzgerald’s kin, nears its climax, awaiting the nod from shareholders and other formalities. Thence, Tether and Bitfinex shall grip the reins, with SoftBank lurking as a sly minority, plus a smattering of PIPE investors and the common folk. 🎪

In their quest for the public eye, they’ve tossed a draft registration on Form S-4 to the SEC, dreaming of trading under “XXI”—as if symbols could summon success. 😜

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2025-07-30 17:15