Vancouver’s Bitcoin Dream Crushed: Crypto Fans Weep, Wallets Rejoice!

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Well, slap my saddle and call me disappointed! Vancouver’s grand plan to become the Bitcoin capital of the world has hit a snag bigger than a Mel Brooks comedy sketch. City officials, those guardians of the mundane, have decided that Bitcoin is about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. Apparently, local law says, “No dice, crypto cowboys!” when it comes to investing public funds in the wild west of digital currency.

Poor Mayor Ken Sim, who was ready to ride into the sunset with $10,000 worth of Bitcoin in his holster, has been handed a “Cease and Desist” faster than you can say “Blazing Saddles.” His dream of a Bitcoin-friendly city is now about as likely as a sequel to History of the World, Part II-wait, scratch that, the sequel’s actually happening. But you get the point.

Bitcoin? More Like Bit-gone!

After a thorough review (read: a lot of head-scratching and coffee breaks), Vancouver’s city staff declared Bitcoin an “unallowed asset” under the Vancouver Charter. Turns out, the law is as flexible as a brick wall when it comes to what the city can invest in. So, Bitcoin? Not on the list. Not even if it’s wearing a tuxedo and begging at the door.

The staff’s recommendation? Scrap the plan and focus on “higher priority projects.” Translation: Let’s fix the potholes before we start moon-dreaming about crypto.

This all came to light during a review of 181 council plans from 2018 to 2025. Out of those, 103 are done and dusted, while the remaining 78-including the Bitcoin plan-are being scrutinized like a tax return. Spoiler alert: Bitcoin didn’t make the cut.

How Did This Crypto Comedy Begin?

It all started in November 2024 when Mayor Sim, channeling his inner visionary (or maybe just his inner gambler), proposed “Preserving the City’s Purchasing Power Through Diversification of Financial Reserves – Becoming A Bitcoin Friendly City.” Catchy title, right? Almost as catchy as Spaceballs.

#VanCityCouncil approves motion 3. Preserving of the City’s Purchasing Power Through Diversification of Financial Reserves – Becoming A Bitcoin Friendly City.

– Vancouver City Clerk (@VanCityClerk) December 11, 2024

Sim argued that Bitcoin could be the city’s financial superhero, protecting its purchasing power like a cape-wearing crypto crusader. The plan? Accept Bitcoin payments and convert a tiny slice of the city’s reserves into the digital gold. Bold move, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off. Spoiler: It didn’t.

The council approved the plan in December 2024, but the update didn’t come until this week. And let’s just say it was about as welcome as a tax audit.

Bitcoin’s Wild Ride: From $100k to “Not Allowed”

Back in December 2024, Bitcoin was riding high at $100,000. Fast forward to now, and it’s down to $71,000. City staff’s response? “Thanks, but no thanks.” Bitcoin’s volatility is about as stable as a unicycle on a tightrope, and Vancouver’s not here for the circus.

So, unless Mayor Sim has a magic wand (or a really good lawyer), Vancouver’s crypto dreams are about as likely as a Young Frankenstein remake starring a goldfish. Time to pack up the Bitcoin banners and focus on something a little less… volatile. Like, say, a nice, stable bond fund. Yawn.

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2026-03-06 11:08