Ah, mes amis, behold the curious tale of the noble Tesla stock, who took a timid step backward after confessing a 9% shrinkage in revenue for the first quarter of the year 2025—from a resplendent $21.3 billion down to a humbler $19.3 billion. Yet, lo and behold! The enigmatic Tesla Bitcoin holdings stand steadfast as the Rock of Gibraltar, refusing to budge an iota. A bold jest indeed, whilst the winds of market turmoil and fiscal tempests howl outside!
In the Midst of the Storm, Tesla’s 11,509 BTC Dance Unshaken
By the oracle known as Bitcoin Treasuries, ’tis revealed Tesla guards a lofty hoard of 11,509 BTC, proudly the fifth grandest hoarder in the land of public companies boasting crypto treasures. Ahead parade the titans: MicroStrategy with a monstrous 538,200 BTC, Marathon Digital flaunting 47,531 BTC, Riot Platforms with 19,223, and CleanSpark with a sprightly 11,869 BTC.
Though bitcoin slipped—a slippery 11.7% tumble in a single quarter!—our brave Tesla abstained from scattering its golden coins to the tempest. New decree from the FASB demands these crypto jewels be judged quarterly at their market worth, plunging Tesla’s vault from $1.076 billion to a mere $951 million. Yet, no trembling or selling here, just stoic resolve! 🎭
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Tesla’s Woes Are Tariffs’ Jest, Not Bitcoin’s Folly
Hear this! Tesla’s earnings suffered the clang of tariffs—fiery edicts from Trump’s kingdom, taxing EV parts into absurdity—while Bitcoin merrily wore the blame nowhere. Automotive coffers shrank by over 20%, and net income fell from a noble 41 cents per share to a meager 12 cents. Oh, the tragedy! Or comedy? The line blurs.
This steadfast clutch on Bitcoin unveils Tesla’s grand strategy: a patient voyage through the maelstrom of fleeting market fancies—both mortal coin and ethereal crypto dance a tempestuous waltz, but Tesla remains the imperturbable maestro. 🎩✨
Miss not a note in the Crypto Symphony!
Keep thy ear to the ground with tales anew, oracle insights, and swift whispers on Bitcoin, altcoins, DeFi, NFTs, and such marvels more.
FAQs
How many Bitcoins in Tesla’s treasure chest in 2025?
Tesla proudly secures 11,509 BTC as Q1 2025 passes, remaining the fifth mightiest public custodian of these cryptic riches.
What doth one Bitcoin hope for in price this very year?
According to the soothsayers at Coinpedia, a single Bitcoin may ascend to $168,000 if bullish fancies persist—fortune’s favor or folly’s jest?
And what of Bitcoin’s worth in the distant 2030?
With adoption’s embrace growing apace, the price of one Bitcoin might soar to a dizzying $901,383.47, enough to make even Molière smile at such audacious dreams!
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2025-04-23 13:22