Why Your Altcoins Are Crying Over Trump Tariffs – And It’s Hilarious! 😂

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Oh, sweet Bitcoin holders, if you thought you were having a rough time watching your investments swirl down the toilet due to Trump’s latest global tantrum, just wait till you see the altcoin folks. They’re not just uneasy; they’ve moved on to straight-up despair. Seriously, if crypto were a soap opera, it would be Days of Our Lives right now – only with more tears and dramatic music. Is the crypto world going to take yet another nosedive? Pour yourself a drink; it’s going to be a bumpy ride. 🍸

Total2 at Major Support (or, The Edge of the Cliff)

So, let’s talk about Total2 – a fancy little chart that tracks the combined market capitalization of all cryptocurrencies, excluding Bitcoin, because why not give Bitcoin the fame? Right now, it’s balancing on a seriously wobbly ledge at $966 billion. Think of it as that one friend who’s perpetually late to the party and somehow still manages to get the last slice of pizza. They’ve got one more shot at stability, but just below lies the $936 billion support. If that goes south, we might be in for a dive down to $780 billion, or hell, even $670 billion! Someone get a life preserver! 🏊‍♀️💦

Altcoins Still Overpriced? LOL!

Now, some astute observers (read: those who enjoy torturing themselves with market charts) might argue that altcoins are due for a bounce since they’ve nose-dived over 40%. But hold your horses, because here’s the kicker: many altcoins are still strutting around like they own the place while being overpriced. Let’s take Dogecoin (DOGE) – it’s a meme coin valued at a staggering $24 billion. If that doesn’t make you chuckle, here’s Cardano (ADA) prancing about at $22.7 billion like it’s rolling in it. I mean, these coins are getting as flashy as Spanish telecom giant Telefónica ($26.6 billion) and Bayer ($23.5 billion). Clowns to the left, jokers to the right, and here I am, stuck in the middle with… this nonsense. 🤡

Ethereum: The Bull Trend That Died (RIP)

And don’t even get me started on Ethereum (ETH). Our dear leader in the layer 1 blockchain empire is looking a bit frosty. The weekly chart is sending disturbing signals, like your ex showing up at your party uninvited. It breached key support levels, lacking the finesse of a drunk at a wedding, turning them into resistant barriers. ETH might just be confirming a break from the beloved bull trend. Can we get a moment of silence, please?

On the bright side (because we must cling to hope), the Stochastic RSI indicators are about as low as they could go. It’s a miracle we’re not bungee jumping from there. A bounce is like that friend who promises to show up, but we’re not sure when or if they remember the invitation. 😅

Altcoins Polar Bear Club Until Trump’s Tantrums Calm Down

Here’s the kicker: the cold, hard truth for altcoins is that they’re in a bearish state until the Trump tariff saga gets sorted. This chaotic game of tariffs is clobbering stocks and assets worldwide. So you can bet your bottom dollar that altcoins, the high-risk beings of the crypto universe, are going to be on a rocky road until this storm blows over. Buckle up, buttercups! 🚀

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2025-04-03 14:24