On the thirtieth day of April, under a sky neither truly clouded nor entirely clear, Eric Semler, the crowned helmsman of Semler Scientific, emerged upon the stage that is known as “X” (though it was once called Twitter, that abyss of ceaseless chatter). There, with all the nonchalance of a man tossing another log on a boundless fire, he proclaimed that his company—yes, the very one so recently caressing the ledger of destiny—had seized 165 more Bitcoins, each one as elusive as redemption, all for the not-so-trifling sum of $15.7 million. Gentle reader, imagine!
Their Bitcoin coffers now groaned beneath the weight of 3,467 coins, valued at the surreal sum of $330.6 million. (Or, as peasants say, “enough to buy several small Eastern European governments.”)
$SMLR acquires 165 #bitcoins for $15.7 million and has generated BTC Yield of 23.8% YTD. Now holding 3,467 $BTC. We bleed orange. 🚀
— Eric Semler (@SemlerEric) April 30, 2025
This latest acquisition was funded, naturally, through the theater of modern finance—the ongoing $500 million at-the-market equity offering, a spectacle as draining as a Dostoevsky monologue. In but four days, from April 25 to 29, the company scattered 559,000 shares to the four winds, raking in $19.5 million. How the masses must have rejoiced. Or not noticed at all.
Each shiny Bitcoin cost an average of $94,931—a price tag that might have sent Raskolnikov into fits. Yet through cunning and perhaps a faint whiff of existential dread, Semler’s average cost basis remained a humble $88,263 per Bitcoin. Take that, gravity.
The Great Bitcoin Obsession (Or, Semler’s Eternal Reserve)
In May of 2024, driven either by genius or an unaccountable terror of the void, Semler Scientific declared Bitcoin their primary treasury reserve asset. One can almost picture the scene: accountants weeping softly, while Bitcoiners danced semi-naked on the conference room table.
At first, their approach was almost quaint—581 BTC in May, another 247 in July, and a further 247 in August. By October, the candles flickered; they bought 581 BTC in a single week, and by New Year’s Eve, over 3,000 coins sat beneath their digital mattress. Apparently, sleep comes best while tossing atop heaps of volatility.
Yield? They speak of “23.8% year-to-date.” Compared to fiat currency, which wears away like a Dostoevsky protagonist’s resolve, this sounds attractive. Yet who among us truly knows what tomorrow brings? Famine or feast. Suffering or profit. Crypto or cataclysm.
As for Eric Semler himself, he insists—perhaps with the zealous glint of those who have gazed too long into their brokerage dashboard—that Bitcoin is a hedge against inflation, a nobler refuge than humble cash. Whether this is wisdom or the first sign of madness—ah, dear reader, only time (and the next tweet) will tell. 😏🔮
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2025-04-30 16:51