What to know:
- Telegram, in a moment of unexpected diligence, shut down the infamous bazaar known as Huione Guarantee, where noble internet dwellers facilitated a jaw-dropping $27 billion in stablecoin dealings.
- This heroic act was prompted by Elliptic—the blockchain analytics firm that peers into the abyss and lives to tell the tale.
- Elliptic, with all the gravitas of a Russian novelist describing a rainy afternoon, proclaimed, “Our analysis reveals that Huione Guarantee presided over transactions exceeding $27 billion since 2021, making it the grand czar of all illicit digital marketplaces.”
Telegram, that vast and restless river of human communication, has cast out the notorious Haowang Guarantee—until recently known in the criminal underworld as Huione Guarantee. Since 2021, this esteemed marketplace saw transactions swelling to $27 billion in stablecoins—enough to make even a Turgenev character raise an eyebrow.
Haowang’s expulsion came as Elliptic, a firm with the temperament of an old landowner and the patience of a birch tree, whispered its findings into the digital wind this Tuesday.
The banishment occurred as storms of crackdown swept through Telegram—thousands of Chinese crypto-crime channels felt the icy hand of fate following Elliptic’s ponderous report on the not-very-poetic marketplace, Xinbi Guarantee.
Telegram, perhaps weary of scandal (or merely seeking distraction from ennui), has now sent both Huione and Xinbi into the digital night. These two dark giants supervised a combined $35 billion in shadowy stablecoin affairs, according to Elliptic, who clearly has too much time (and blockchain data) on their hands.
As though with a sigh, Elliptic repeated: “Our analysis indicates Huione Guarantee presided over more than $27 billion—a number unconscionable to both peasants and princes.”
Xinbi, a mere fledgling in comparison, processed $8.4 billion since 2022. A drop, if you will, in the boundless lake of digital vice.
Let us pause for historical effect: Shadowy dens such as Silk Road and Alphabay, at which one could purchase… let’s say, unusual party favors, mustered $216 million and $639 million respectively. Mere kopecks!
Once upon a murkier time, such villainy was hidden behind Tor. Now, with all the subtlety of a gossiping babushka, these markets have sauntered over to Telegram—a messaging empire bustling with over a billion souls (and probably several confused grandmothers).
Huione and Xinbi embarked on their journey as “guarantee” marketplaces—a euphemism that would make even a nihilist smirk. These platforms, well-behaved in appearance, did not sell goods or services themselves. They were but matchmakers, standing in a shadowy corner, introducing merchants to customers—one could almost say, the matrons of the Telegram bazaars. 💁♂️🎭
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2025-05-15 13:28