If you thought your last impulse splurge involved too many Doritos or an embarrassing Amazon order, let me introduce you to BitMine Immersion (BMNR), a company whose idea of shopping bags is the blockchain equivalent of Santa Claus’ sack-minus the jolly laughter and, frankly, with more zeros.
Word on the digital street (in a post on X, the only platform where billion-dollar moves are recapped with emojis and ill-fitting gifs) is that Tom Lee’s latest financial contraption went berserk for Ethereum. Picture this: tens of thousands of ETH, scooped up in under 10 hours. Somewhere out there, a poor intern’s keyboard is being surgically removed from their fingertips. 💻💔
“BMNR has continued to increase its holdings by 135,135 ETH, valued at $600 million, through the institutional business platforms of FalconX, Galaxy Digital, and BitGo over the past 10 hours.”
The collective ETH hoard now stands at 1.297 million coins, or $5.77 billion if you’d like to lose sleep over fictional sums.
The fun didn’t stop there. Earlier in the week, BitMine’s stock pulled a Roman candle stunt, zooming 119% in just four trading days-practically a vertical launch, thanks to yet another goliath Ether grab. If stocks were horses, BMNR just won the Triple Crown on roller skates. 🏇🔥
As Lee (the man with a vault the size of a medium-sized nation) so humbly put it:
“In just a week, BitMine increased its ETH holdings by $2.0 billion to $4.96 billion (from 833,137 to 1.15 million tokens), lightning speed in the company’s pursuit of the ‘alchemy of 5%’ of ETH… We are leading crypto treasury peers by both the velocity of raising crypto NAV per share and by the high trading liquidity of our stock.”
Meanwhile, the actual price of Ethereum, behaving with the grace of a slightly moody teenager, sits at $4,450-a 4.2% dip in the past 24 hours, probably because it’s tired from being purchased in such heroic quantities. Meanwhile BMNR stock is $57.81, in case you wanted to swap your retirement plan for a rollercoaster ticket. 🎢
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2025-08-17 17:42