You Won’t Believe How This Company Turned Eyeballs Into Gold (Literally!)

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In a move that has bewildered economists and caused several traditional investors to choke on their morning porridge, shares of an e-commerce inventory management platform-yes, the thrilling world of inventory management is now thrilling-soared a smidge over 3,000% in a single day. Why? Because they announced plans to acquire and clutch tightly to Worldcoin, the cryptocurrency that’s basically Sam Altman’s way of turning your eyeballs into a digital ID card. 👁️✨

Eightco Holdings, who clearly woke up one morning thinking, “Why not?” revealed plans on Monday for a share sale aimed at hauling in roughly $250 million to pioneer a “first-of-its-kind Worldcoin treasury strategy.” This involves a private placement of exactly 171.23 million common shares priced at the humble asking price of $1.46 each-because apparently, getting that many shares typed out *just so* is important to the process.

But wait! They also invited BitMine Immersion Technologies to the party, known for holding the largest stash of Ether (ETH) among public firms, who kindly bought 13.7 million shares for $20 million-because what’s a crypto-hoarding frenzy without a little friendly competition and showing off who’s got the biggest digital wallet? 💰

Eightco is the latest in a curious parade of companies that suddenly decided, “Hey, if you can’t beat ‘em, just start stockpiling crypto like it’s the new office coffee.” This trend has sparked some mild hand-wringing about whether these firms are focused on business or have simply wandered into a digital gold rush without a map.

Eightco shares close trading up 3,000%

The stock (pretty much a rollercoaster named OCTO) ended Monday riding high at $45.08, up an eye-popping 3,009% from last Friday’s $1.45 close – although it cooled off a touch after hours, sliding 6% to $42.40, which is basically the market equivalent of “walked it off” after an adrenaline rush.

The $250 million share sale, set to happen Thursday (mark your calendars, or don’t-the financial apocalypse waits for no one), will feature some heavy hitters like the World Foundation, Kraken, and FalconX, all hoping to ride the next crypto wave without wiping out on the shore.

The plan is to hoard Worldcoin (WLD) as their “primary treasury reserve asset,” which is fancy speak for stuffing their digital piggy bank. They might even dabble in Ether (ETH) as a side hustle, because diversification is the spice of life or some financial cliché-or maybe they just like shiny, virtual things.

Oh, and watch for their ticker symbol change on Nasdaq to “ORBS” – a nod to those fancy eye scanners used by World Network, or as we like to call it: Big Brother’s latest eyeball party trick.

Altman, the brains behind this eye-scan extravaganza and current head honcho at OpenAI, wants to verify humans online by scanning their eyeballs (because fingerprints were just too passé) and rewarding them with Worldcoin. In exchange, the scanned get access to a shiny new ecosystem of partner companies. Everyone’s a winner except for, perhaps, privacy advocates and anyone who thought the phrase “digital identity” was already scary enough.

Of course, regulators aren’t exactly popping champagne at this eye fest. Worldcoin has faced restrictions, suspensions, and outright bans from certain countries-because apparently, some governments aren’t fans of unwelcome eyeball scans invading national borders. Who knew?

Altman optimistically said, “If we succeed, World might become the largest network of real people online,” which probably sounds better coming from the future overlord of AI than from your average sci-fi dystopia novel. But hey, who are we to disagree with the future?

Eightco names Dan Ives as chairman

In other casting news, Eightco has appointed Dan Ives-tech industry oracle and someone who once claimed that the tech bull market would last three full years-as their new chairman. He also launched an AI-focused exchange-traded fund like a commander leading the charge into silicon-scented battles. 🤖⚔️

Ives proclaimed this is “the next step in the AI revolution around authentication and Proof of Human,” which sounds almost reassuring unless you think about it too hard. He added, “The future of AI requires World to lead the way in this AI-driven Fourth Industrial Revolution,” proving once again you can always pack more buzzwords into one sentence if you try hard enough.

World gains on Eightco’s treasury pivot

Meanwhile, Worldcoin itself decided to join the party, gaining a sprightly 49.2% in the past 24 hours thanks to Eightco’s treasury wheeling and dealing. The coin trades at $1.54, happy to report an 80.5% rally over the past week-which in crypto terms is basically a gentle stroll after surviving a bear market earthquake.

For context, back in April, Worldcoin wallowed at a dismal 58 cents (not even enough to buy a decent cup of tea), before clawing back some pride alongside the wider crypto market. Yet it remains down a staggering 87% from its peak of $11.74 in early March 2024-a sobering reminder that in crypto-land, peaks and troughs come wrapped in a cloak of wild volatility and the occasional existential crisis.

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2025-09-09 09:25