You Won’t Believe What Congress Just Did for Crypto — And It Involves Trump, Meme Coins & CBDCs

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Once upon a time (by which I mean, Tuesday), the U.S. House of Representatives, fresh off congratulating itself for passing Speaker Mike Johnson’s “big, beautiful bill” (a phrase that sounds suspiciously like a real estate brochure or perhaps a shampoo commercial), has now embraced its next great passion: cryptocurrency regulation. Or as they’ve renamed it, “Crypto Week,” which, if history tells us anything, is about as relaxing as Shark Week, but with less water and more lawyers.

During this much-hyped mid-July spectacle, the House plans to wrangle with questions so fiendishly complex that even Satoshi Nakamoto would probably call for an intermission. Stablecoins, digital assets, central bank digital currencies—quite literally all the things your uncle warned you about at Thanksgiving.

Speaker Johnson (R-La.), apparently imagining himself as a sort of digital-age Moses, pronounced with digitized gravitas that “House Republicans are taking decisive steps to deliver the full scope of President Trump’s digital assets and cryptocurrency agenda.” Good luck deciphering what that actually means, but I suspect it involves a lot of late-night committee meetings and tech support calls to bewildered congressional interns.

Up for grabs this Crypto Week: a stablecoin oversight bill, a sprawling crypto regulation package, and—in what can only be described as classic American legislative overkill—a law that will ban the Federal Reserve from ever issuing a digital dollar. Because apparently what this country really needs is more things to ban, and fewer things to explain at dinner parties.

U.S. House leadership has announced that the week of July 14, 2025, will be designated as “Crypto Week,” during which the CLARITY Act, the Anti-CBDC Surveillance State Act, and the GENIUS Act will be considered.

— Wu Blockchain (@WuBlockchain) July 3, 2025

Senate’s GENIUS May Trump House’s Own Stablecoin Bill (Genius, Right?)

This isn’t the first time the House has tried to corral stablecoins. They attempted with their own bill—the STABLE Act—approved by the Financial Services Committee back in May. This effort, however, now looks as useful as a knitted bathing suit, as the House seems ready to bin their handiwork and pinch the Senate’s already-passed GENIUS Act. Apparently, if you can’t beat them (or be bothered to read your own bill), just adopt someone else’s legislation. Classic group project energy.

GENIUS, in case you’re wondering (and you probably are not), requires stablecoins to be backed by real stuff—like actual cash or “highly liquid assets.” Think of it as the opposite of Monopoly money, audited so tightly you can almost hear actuaries rejoicing in the distance. It even opens the door to state-level regulatory options and, for reasons mysterious to time and space, diverges wildly from the House’s first draft. But, because this is Washington, don’t be shocked if some last-minute amendments arrive like uninvited relatives at Christmas.

CLARITY Act: Because Crypto Regulation Is Currently an Existential Kabuki Play 🤡

Next in the parade of acronyms: the Digital Asset Market Clarity Act, mercifully shortened to CLARITY. This little gem intends to do for crypto regulation what the Rosetta Stone did for ancient Egyptian—except with more committee hearings and fewer hieroglyphs. The ambition here is to settle the never-ending squabble between the SEC and CFTC, whose turf wars over crypto oversight have all the subtlety of a supermarket trolley joust.

🚨 Congratulations to President Trump and the House for passing the historic Big Beautiful Bill — delivering tax cuts, securing the border, ending the tax on tips, and making the American economy stronger than ever.

Next up: Crypto Week in the House (week of the 14th).

GENIUS…

— Bo Hines (@BoHines) July 3, 2025

CLARITY’s main trick is putting most exchanges under CFTC oversight (think cowboys and open prairies, but with more PowerPoint slides), and it demands exchanges not treat customer funds like a casino piggy bank—a policy that one can only assume is inspired by glossy documentaries of recent FTX implosions.

For your next trivia night: DeFi developers get a hall pass from strict regulatory scrutiny, a move greeted in certain corners with more suspicion than a vegan at a Texas barbecue. Critics from the Democratic aisle whisper that Republican pro-crypto enthusiasm may just have a touch of—the horror—self-interest. I mean, Bloomberg reports Trump and family have clocked $620 million from ventures like the delightfully subtle TRUMP
TRUMP $8.77
24h volatility: 2.2%
Market cap: $1.75 B
Vol. 24h: $224.80 M

and MELANIA
MELANIA $0.21
24h volatility: 1.8%
Market cap: $134.14 M
Vol. 24h: $8.54 M

meme coins, and—this is real—a DeFi platform called World Liberty Financial. Because nothing says “freedom” like algorithmic tokens and a family crest on the landing page.

Lummis’ Tax Fix: No More Pocket Change Taxation 💸

If all of this isn’t enough to make you double-check your MetaMask wallet, Senator Cynthia Lummis (R-Wyo.) is floating a tax bill so generous it could make Elon Musk blush. Transactions under $300? Not taxed. Donate your Bitcoin to charity? The IRS will tip its hat and move on. And get this: mined and staked assets won’t be taxed until you actually sell, giving HODLers everywhere a reason to live another year. You’re welcome, America.

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2025-07-04 16:41