You Won’t Believe What This Time-Traveling Whale Just Did With 50,000 BTC! 🐋💸

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In a plot twist worthy of intergalactic hitchhikers and dangerously unregulated pan-galactic gargle blasters, a bitcoin whale from 2011—having napped through several financial epochs, two and a half forks, and more crypto Twitter drama than Zaphod Beeblebrox could stomach—has poked its barnacled snout above the blockchain waves to move yet another 50,009 BTC. Yes, it’s still not finished. Nor is it likely to ever be, given the whale’s apparent sense of dramatic timing.

On July 4, 2025, the so-called TopMob announced (with the kind of excitement generally reserved for discovering that your towel is missing) that this arcane leviathan had already stirred, moving 30,000 BTC—or, to put it another way, a stack tall enough to flatten a Vogon poetry collection—worth over $3 billion. Now, for its encore, the whale has heaved out an additional 50,000 BTC, originally netted on May 4, 2011—a date that only slightly predates the invention of blockchain hair tonic.

Here’s a truly inspirational diagram. Imagine moving 80,000 BTC through blocks 903916 to 903985—a number so big, it would make Marvin the Paranoid Android sigh even more deeply than usual. 🌀

The great shuffle concluded at block height 903985 (which, to be honest, sounds more like a flight gate at Betelgeuse Interplanetary than a blockchain checkpoint). Many of the wallets are connected to an address that once fed over 3,000 BTC directly into the ravenous jaws of the now-fossilized Mt Gox exchange, because why not party like it’s 2013? With blockchain detectives at btcparser.com sounding their klaxons, total shading now sits at a modest 80,009 BTC, or—if you prefer your numbers unnecessarily large—roughly $8.6 billion, all splashed about on the Fourth of July in a display so dazzling it probably left Satoshi somewhere raising an eyebrow and ordering a stiff drink. 🍹

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2025-07-04 20:32