Oh, Congress. Always delivering drama worthy of a Bravo reunion special. The U.S. Senate just flopped in its latest attempt to pass the GENIUS Act—a bill so named, I assume, because “Totally Not A Boring Financial Regulation Proposal, Please Clap” wouldn’t fit on the letterhead.
GENIUS Act: Coming Soon? Or Just Another Canceled Sequel?
So, the GENIUS Act (how subtle) stands for “Guiding and Establishing National Innovation for US Stablecoins.” That, or it’s a new high school gifted program. Either way, Senator Bill Hagerty rolled this thing out in February 2025 with enough bipartisan support to make you think people in Washington actually check their email. Now, every senator is feeling the burn (not Bernie) to get this thing across the finish line.
For the uninitiated: stablecoins are crypto coins tied to real assets like the U.S. dollar. Think “crypto with a shocking amount of parental supervision.” The GENIUS Act wants these stablecoins backed with real assets, monthly transparency, and—if you try to pull a Fyre Festival—yes, criminal penalties. Sadly, before the bill could win its rose and move on to the final debate, it got voted off the island. No stablecoin for you!
On Twitter—or “X” if you’re Elon’s unpaid intern—a FOX journalist, Eleanor Terrett, basically told us that the next vote is the Senate’s last chance to behave like grownups. If it fails, Rule 13 says that unless every senator simultaneously realizes the value of teamwork, the bill is toast. So, yes, you have a better chance of seeing bipartisan karaoke.
Meanwhile, Senator Tim Scott blames “partisan politics,” which is like blaming humidity for your bad hair day—technically true, but not exactly enlightening. In his best disappointed dad voice, he told everyone, “We witnessed a disappointing display of political gamesmanship that puts partisan politics above policy, and obstruction above innovation.” Too bad they don’t offer senate time-outs.
Now With 100% More Trump and Crypto Drama!
What’s a bill without a scandal? The GENIUS Act got extra spicy when Democrats zeroed in on Trump’s alleged love affair with a stablecoin called USD1, and a casual $2 billion deal linking Abu Dhabi, Binance, and, apparently, the plot of Mission: Impossible 73. Senator Elizabeth Warren waved this around like evidence in a Law & Order episode, insisting the bill “shouldn’t pass to facilitate this kind of corruption.” Dun dun!
Turns out, several Democratic senators got cold feet, like the first day at ski school. Maxine Waters declared, “If there is no effort to block the President of the United States of America from owning his stablecoin business, I will never be able to agree on supporting this bill.” Translation: Block Trump’s crypto side hustle or I’m out.
The next Senate vote? Who knows! It’s currently scheduled for the twelfth of Never or whenever Congress collectively decides to adult. Until then, watch this space and invest in popcorn futures. 🍿
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2025-05-14 01:14