You’ll Never Believe What These Bizarre Firms Did With Their Ethereum Bags!

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Imagine, dear reader, a parade of sober-suited bureaucrats hurling millions at the great Ethereum carnival! Firms like SharpLink Gaming, BTCS, and GameSquare Holdings – names that would send a provincial taxman into fits of envy – have stampeded into the ETH bazaar with a passion worthy of a civil servant chasing his overdue salary. 🤦‍♂️

The result? One might say the stock tickers are dancing a zesty kazachok: BTCS in particular, leaping so high they nearly collided with the chandeliers, posting a triple-digit prance. Who knew spreadsheets were such thrilling spectacles?

SharpLink and BTCS: Heroes of the Ethereum Comedy

Once upon a June (in this, our very capitalist Petersburg), it was proclaimed by the gossipers of BeInCrypto that SharpLink Gaming, powered by mysterious office coffee and an indecipherable spreadsheet, seized 176,271 ETH from the cryptic market for roughly $463 million. A sum one could only approach with smelling salts and a fainting couch!

But lo! No sooner had the secretary sharpened her pencils than SharpLink found another excuse, squandering another $19.2 million for 7,689 ETH between June 28 and July 4. The purchase price: $2,501 per ETH. (One wonders if they bargain for potatoes with such enthusiasm.)

Now behold! With its latest purchase, the company’s treasure chest swells to 205,634 ETH — valued at a crisp $536.2 million. A sum so immense it might cause even the Cossacks to turn accountant.

“SharpLink raised approximately $64.0 million in net proceeds during the same period through its At-The-Market (“ATM”) facility, selling 5,499,845 shares of its common stock. Of these total net proceeds, approximately $37.2 million was raised on July 3, 2025, but has yet to be allocated to ETH purchases as of the close of business that same day. A large portion of this capital is expected to be deployed in the current week,” the press release read.

SHARPLINK GAMING HAS NOW ACQUIRED OVER HALF A BILLION USD OF ETH

SharpLink Gaming now holds $536.2M ETH, staked between Liquid Collective and Figment.

They hold $470M ETH staked as lsETH, and have sent 25,312 ETH to Figment validators, now worth $66.19M (not shown in entity,…

— Arkham (@arkham) July 8, 2025

But the plot thickens! The finance wizards confessed: every morsel of ETH is now staked and restaked, like a bureaucrat hoping his bribes will generate bribes. Yield optimization, they call it—a phrase worth at least three bureaucratic medals.

Between pastries and profit, they earned about 100 ETH in staking rewards from June 28 to July 4, bringing their grand total since June 2 to 322 ETH. The numbers multiply faster than the rumors at a Petersburg soirée.

“ETH-per-share (“ETH Concentration”) is up ~18.8% since June 13,” ShaprLink posted.

Headlines blared! The crowd gasped! SBET, SharpLink’s stock, swaggered up by 28.57%, with an encore of 4.36% after-hours. Somewhere in the distance, a broker’s monocle shattered in astonishment.

Meanwhile, BTCS (blessed with a name that sounds like a forgotten locomotive) also stuffed its suitcases full of Ethereum. Charles Allen, CEO and part-time fortune teller, now sets his sights on $100 million for the company’s Ethereum hoard. These dreams are built, naturally, with ATM sales, convertible debt, and a little voodoo called Builder+.

“This multi-pronged flywheel utilizes ATM sales, convertible debt, on-chain Aave borrowing, staking rewards, and Builder+—our proprietary block-building platform—to grow ETH per share, drive revenue, and protect shareholder value by minimizing dilution,” Allen wrote.

Puff! BTCS shares soared 111.07%—surely a festival in somebody’s honor. Yet, after-hours, the stock wilted by 18.78%, like yesterday’s cabbage soup.

But wait! Into this comedic race stumbles a new contender: GameSquare Holdings, intent on assembling a $100 million ETH treasury, brick by digital brick, coin by metaphorical coin, and presumably, ruble by ruble.

Their adventure began with a public offering, scooping up $8 million by dangling 8.42 million shares at $0.95 a pop—cheaper than a Petersburg pastry. Most of this will be poured into the great Ethereum cauldron, aided by a mysterious sounding partner called Dialectic. (Is that a bank or the name of a Dostoevsky villain?)

The plan: generate yields of 8-14%, which, as any decent satirist might tell you, beats the modest 3-4% that less ambitious stakers receive. Stock soared, investors cheered, and accounting clerks rejoiced as GAME shares surged 58.76%, plus another 6.49% after hours. Ethereal gains no less!

And so the drama continues: earlier strategies for Bitcoin, now stolen with a flourish for Ethereum, and all for the amusement—err, optimism—of investors. We cheer from the sidelines, hats in hand, wallets ever emptier, yet hearts beating for the next daring financial waltz. 🥳

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2025-07-09 09:34