Welcome to the US Crypto News Morning Briefing—a place where millionaires panic and broke comedians like me just laugh! ☕🥯
Roll out the red carpet and hide your wallets! The Bitcoin (BTC) market’s cooking up a stew so spicy, even your accountant will break a sweat. With August comes the infamous “curse”—a tradition only slightly less terrifying than my mother-in-law’s brisket. Some folks fear it, but Robert Kiyosaki? He’s hoping for fireworks and a clearance sale!
Crypto News of the Day: Kiyosaki Begs the Crypto Gods for Mayhem
You know Robert Kiyosaki—he’s the Rich Dad who loves poor dads, Bitcoin, and the sound of crashing markets. The man grabbed his magic eight ball and threw down a spicy take: “Will August tank Bitcoin below $90k? Oh, please let it be!” Never has anyone been so excited for a dip since I dropped my knish in the Hudson River.
“Will the ‘Bitcoin August Curse’ crash Bitcoin’s price to below $90k? I hope so,” Kiyosaki wrote on X. (Wasn’t it called Twitter last week?! Who keeps buying these names?)
He says a crash is a chance to double down: “Forget about fear, forget about pain, buy the dip and get rich or cry trying!” It’s less of an investment strategy, more of a Mel Brooks sequel—Young Bitcoinstein. He’s right about one thing though: Bitcoin’s true worth is being nothing like fiat money overseen by “incompetent PhDs” doing their best impressions of The Three Stooges at the Treasury. 🥁
“The problem is not Bitcoin. The real problem is our multi-trillion-dollar debt and incompetent PhDs running ‘the SWAMP,’” he said. (You don’t need PhD for this punchline, folks!)
Kiyosaki just came back from a summer binge of financial brainiacs—The Collective, Limitless Financial Education Summit, and probably a few piña coladas. He learned from guys who hate fiat money so much, they’d put the penny on the therapist’s couch.
These “hard asset” hawks swear by gold and Bitcoin, because after all, nothing says stability like something you can lose by forgetting a password.
For Kiyosaki, the “curse” is just a stress test—like boot camp, but with more charts and fewer pushups (unless you’ve bet the house).
“The Bitcoin August Curse will make most Bitcoin investors richer,” he concluded. (And if not, you can always write a book about what went wrong!)
Analysts: A Crash Is Just the Market’s Way of Saying ‘Surprise!’
Kiyosaki’s grandstanding launched a thousand Twitter threads. Investors debated: is a crash a tragedy, or is it just natural selection for day traders in pajamas?
“Most people fear the ‘Bitcoin August Curse’ because they don’t understand the real game… Crashes are a gift. But only if you know what you hold,” one user explained. (Gift receipt not included!)
Quinten Francois, an analyst with more addresses than Santa, says while retail folks panic sell, long-haulers are snapping up the dip like bagels on Sunday morning.
Retail is panic selling this correction
But addresses that only buy and never sell are buying it like crazy
— Quinten | 048.eth (@QuintenFrancois) August 4, 2025
Another analyst spotted a familiar pattern right before a short squeeze. (Short squeeze? Sounds like my uncle trying to fit into last year’s bathing suit.)
Seasoned Bitcoiners see all this as high drama: less financial disaster, more ‘Game of Thrones’—but with worse haircuts.
Kiyosaki and the band insist the real peril isn’t Bitcoin’s wild ride. No, the true horror is inflation—watching your money melt like an ice cream cone in July while the Fed waves from the sunroof of a moving car.
So, here we are in August, everyone holding their breath and their coins (some holding both at once, which doctors say is dangerous). Will the Curse bite, or just nibble? Is this a last shakeout before the next parade up the mountain of money? Nobody knows, but Kiyosaki’s already RSVP’d yes with a grin and an empty shopping cart!
He’s ignoring ETFs—calls them “paper guns.” (Bang! Oops, just confetti. Sorry, Larry.) If you want drama, ditch ETFs and follow Kiyosaki straight into the minefield! 🎬
Chart of the Day
Byte-Sized Alpha
Crypto Equities Pre-Market Who’s-Winning-the-Race Sheet
| Company | At the Close of August 1 | Pre-Market Overview |
| Strategy (MSTR) | $366.63 | $374.02 (+2.02%) |
| Coinbase Global (COIN) | $314.69 | $320.25 (+1.77%) |
| Galaxy Digital Holdings (GLXY) | $26.88 | $27.64 (+2.83%) |
| MARA Holdings (MARA) | $15.50 | $15.75 (+1.61%) |
| Riot Platforms (RIOT) | $11.03 | $11.34 (+2.81%) |
| Core Scientific (CORZ) | $12.65 | $12.80 (+1.19%) |
Read More
- Violence District Killer and Survivor Tier List
- All Data Pad Locations (Week 1) Destiny 2
- Top 8 UFC 5 Perks Every Fighter Should Use
- All Mafia The Old Country Returning Characters
- Unlock the Magic: New Arcane Blind Box Collection from POP MART and Riot Games!
- Prestige Perks in Space Marine 2: A Grind That Could Backfire
- Dune: Awakening is Already Walking Back a Planned Change for the Next Update
- USD ZAR PREDICTION
- German Twitch streamer goes viral for playing Elden Ring & Street Fighter at a rave
- Gold Rate Forecast
2025-08-04 17:59