Imagine this: a healthcare company, presumably still figuring out how to pronounce “hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia,” just merged with a Bitcoin startup. David Bailey’s Nakamoto, a company that sounds like it should be selling vintage teapots, has now joined forces with KindlyMD, a firm that probably still uses fax machines. Together, they’ll trade under the ticker NAKA, because nothing says “trust us” like a stock symbol that looks like a typo. 🤷♂️
David Bailey, the man who once thought Bitcoin was a new way to pay for bagels, will now run the merged mess. Tim Pickett, KindlyMD’s former CEO and current Chief Medical Officer, gets a promotion to Director. Because nothing says “medical expertise” like a title that sounds like a Netflix show. 🩺✨ The board also added six new members, including Bitcoin enthusiasts who probably still think NFTs are “those digital cats.”
Bitcoin Treasury Plans: Because Hoarding Is Classy
The new company aims to build a Bitcoin treasury of 1 million BTC. Currently, they own 21 Bitcoin-enough to buy a very expensive pizza or, you know, a fraction of a coffee. They’ve raised $540 million and plan to add another $200 million via convertible notes. Let’s hope they don’t spend it all on Bitcoin-themed office decor. 🏢₿
– David Bailey🇵🇷 $1.0mm/btc is the floor (@DavidFBailey) August 14, 2025
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Michael Saylor’s company already has 628,946 BTC, while our new friends at KindlyMD-Nakamoto are still playing catch-up. Metaplanet and Semler Scientific are also in the race, aiming for 210,000 and 105,000 BTC by 2027. Meanwhile, KindlyMD will probably still charge $500 for a Band-Aid. 🏥💸
NAKA’s stock jumped 13.4% post-merger, because nothing excites investors like a healthcare company pretending to be a crypto hedge fund. David Bailey declared, “Our vision is for the world’s capital markets to operate on a Bitcoin standard.” Sure, David. And my vision is for my ex to finally stop texting me. 🙄
“we’re not sure what this is, but it’s on the menu”), now claims to be merging healthcare with Bitcoin. The result? A business that’s 50% stethoscopes, 50% speculative crypto bets, and 100% confusion. 🤯
Read More
- Violence District Killer and Survivor Tier List
- All Data Pad Locations (Week 1) Destiny 2
- All Mafia The Old Country Returning Characters
- Mafia: The Old Country – Interactive Map (Sicily)
- Top 8 UFC 5 Perks Every Fighter Should Use
- Meet SAKAMOTO DAYS’ Deadly New Villains: 4 Death Row Killers Ready to Cause Chaos!
- German Twitch streamer goes viral for playing Elden Ring & Street Fighter at a rave
- Top 5 Unreal Engine 5 Games with Incredible Performance
- Prestige Perks in Space Marine 2: A Grind That Could Backfire
- Red Dead Redemption’s Top 7 Missions: The Ultimate Western Showdown
2025-08-15 10:34