Oh, the bitter theatre of capitalism, where Cathie Wood’s Ark Invest flings yet more of those fancy Bitcoin ETFs into the fray-yield-busting ones and those cushy, risk-dodging shields, as if the downtrodden masses could shield their pitiful savings from the wolves of the market! 😂
- Ark Invest pitches a fresh batch of Bitcoin ETF schematics at the stern U.S. SEC, those gatekeepers of greed
- Includes the so-called Bitcoin Yield ETF and ARK DIET Bitcoin 1 & 2-sounds like a diet for fools chasing rainbows 💸
- Investors, bless their naive souls, tremble at BTC’s plummeting sword, fearing the next butcher’s bill
Cathie Wood’s Ark is plunging deeper into this Bitcoin abyss, hurling forth ETFs with tricks up their sleeves to woo the institutional lords. On that fateful Tuesday, October 14, they shot these proposals-Bitcoin Yield ETF and ARK DIET Bitcoin 1 and 2-at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. Yield and hedge against the storm, they promise, offering the bigwigs more ropes to dance upon this crypto tightrope without falling into the chasm below. 🕺
Cathie Wood and Ark Invest filed multiple new Bitcoin ETFs today (October 14, 2025):
– ARK Bitcoin Yield ETF
– ARK DIET Bitcoin 1 ETFs (Q1-Q4)
– ARK DIET Bitcoin 2 ETFs (Q1-Q4)All filings are preliminary prospectuses under the ARK ETF Trust
– Ark Invest Tracker (@ArkkDaily) October 15, 2025
The ploys are as simple as a con artist’s smile: the ARK Bitcoin Yield ETF aims at milking cash from BTC like blood from a stone, scribbling options-covered calls, no less-to spin gold from this digital dung while clinging to exposure. And the ARK Defined Income Exposure & Target (DIET) Bitcoin ETFs? They’re for the fainthearted, starry-eyed dreamers craving a buffer against the abyss. DIET 1 shields 50% of the downside plunge, rewarding gains only after BTC climbs 5% in the quarter-a miserly feast! DIET 2 offers a paltry 10% armor, sharing spoils when Bitcoin breaks even. Like feeding scraps to beggars at a banquet of kings. 🤡
Ark’s Bitcoin Gambles: Luring the Fat Cats to the Feast
These filings erupt post the SEC’s hurried nod to grease the crypto ETF wheels, chopping approval times to a mere 75 days, down from those draconian 240-plus that gobbled patience like a shark in blood. And this, mere echoes after the crypto catastrophe that devoured a trillion in value-poof, gone with the wind of greed! Now, with the corridors of power quaking at volatility’s specter, Ark’s protective potions might coax more dough into Bitcoin’s hungry maw, for the elite’s amusement. 🤑
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2025-10-15 17:55