- So, Strategy tanked hard against Wall Street’s expectations. Like, not even close. Enormous gap. We’re talking “I thought this shirt was large but it’s actually a tent” big. 😬
- Saylor? Still dreaming big. He’s out here saying, “Bitcoin will grow 30% per year for the next 20 years.” Wild optimism or has he been staring at the sun again? Who knows! 📈🤞
- But hey, Bitcoin bounced above $96k for the first time since mid-February. So… you win some, you lose some, you invest in crypto and forget how sleeping works. 😅🚀
So, the company formerly known as MicroStrategy—now just Strategy, because why have extra syllables?—is still out front holding more Bitcoin than most countries. First quarter 2025 rolls in, and what do they do? Add 61,497 Bitcoins to the pile. They’re sitting on 553,555 coins. I can’t even keep track of my socks, and this guy’s hoarding virtual coins like it’s Halloween candy.
This quarter? BTC Yield: 13.7%. I guess that’s good. Or… bad? I don’t know anymore. All I know is nobody else is making casual billions guessing on numbers. Relentless.
How do you buy that much Bitcoin? Apparently, you keep hitting the equity ATM. First quarter = “Let’s just funnel more money into this thing.” Can you imagine that phone call to the bank?
“We successfully did this totally normal, not at all risky $21 billion ATM. Now we have over 300,000 more Bitcoins and, check this, our stock jumped 50%. Pulled off some IPO moves too, because, why not? We’re just having fun now.” – Phong Le, probably winking into the Zoom camera.
Market Outlook for Strategy
Okay, but buckle up: First quarter 2025 revenue? $111.1 million, which is 3.6% down from last year. Gross profit: $77.1 million, which is less than last year, too. (Last year, they were apparently slightly better at this game.)
The analysts? They guessed wrong too. Predicted Strategy would lose 11 cents a share on $117 million in sales. Not even close. Like guesstimating how many jellybeans in a jar and saying “a billion.”
What’s next? Strategy says, “We’ll just raise $84 billion in the coming quarters and stuff it under the Bitcoin mattress.” Sure, why not. If you’ve come this far in Vegas, you go all-in every hand, right?
$MSTR announces BTC Yield of 13.7% and BTC $ Gain of $5.8B year-to-date, doubles capital plan to $42B equity and $42B fixed income to purchase bitcoin, and increases BTC Yield target from 15% to 25% and BTC $ Gain target from $10B to $15B for 2025.
— Michael Saylor (@saylor) May 1, 2025
Impact on Bitcoin
Still, Strategy’s obsession with Bitcoin? Apparently contagious. Suddenly, more institutions want in. Bitcoin price gets a pep in its step—pulls a 13% gain in two weeks. At the time of writing: $96,600.
The Saylor doctrine: If Bitcoin stays above $96k, the next stop is $109k. Think of it like a broken escalator: If you keep stepping up, eventually you’ll get somewhere. Maybe. Or the escalator bursts into flames. Who can say? 🤷♂️🔥
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2025-05-02 01:40