Bitcoin’s $70K Gauntlet: Will It Break or Bust?

On the daily chart, bitcoin‘s broader structure remains corrective within a larger uptrend. Price previously declined from roughly $93,000 to a capitulation wick near $59,900, where demand stepped in decisively before a base formed. Since then, higher lows have printed, with the current zone centered between $67,000 and $69,000. A market so capricious it could make a cat blush.

Whales, Woes, and Wilde: Lighter’s $50M ARC Ballet

In the grand arena of decentralized derivatives, Lighter found itself the stage for a most dramatic spectacle. A whale, no doubt convinced of its own infallibility, attempted to squeeze ARC longs with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. The affair, as one might expect, unfolded with the elegance of a public X thread, where the team proclaimed it the inaugural test of their LLP strategies. Open interest, that fickle muse, swelled to $50 million USDC as traders flocked to both sides of the market, like moths to a particularly lucrative flame.

XRP’s Macabre MACD Dance: A 212% Bitrue Spectacle!

XRP, that crypto chameleon, now dances to the tune of institutional caprices. Bitrue, Singapore’s own financial puppeteer, reports a 212% spike in XRP spot purchases, a twofold triumph over sell orders. One might almost believe in a renaissance, were it not for the looming shadow of market absurdity.

Hut 8’s Wild Ride: From Bitcoin Blues to AI Dreams (With a $301M Oopsie)

So, Hut 8 decided to swap its Bitcoin miner hat for an AI crown, and let’s just say the transition is as smooth as a first date with a chatbot. Despite a net loss that could make a Kardashian’s divorce settlement blush, revenue soared like a meme stock on a good day. Management’s pivot to AI infrastructure is either genius or a Hail Mary, but hey, at least they’re keeping it interesting.

FG Nexus: From ETH Enthusiasts to $82M Sad Trombone

So, Ethereum treasury firm FG Nexus decided to offload another 7,550 ETH, worth roughly $14.06 million, according to Lookonchain. That’s like selling your soul for a slightly used treadmill. Their once-bold conviction in ether’s upside now looks about as solid as a Jenna Maroney promise.

Bitwise Bets Big on Staking: Chorus One Acquisition Causes Chaos!

Bitwise, a San Francisco-based crypto asset manager with $15 billion in assets (or “digital gold” if you’re feeling poetic), has acquired Chorus One, a staking provider with $2.2 billion in staked assets. The deal folds Chorus One into Bitwise Onchain Solutions, a division that now sounds less like a tech startup and more like a Kafkaesque bureaucratic nightmare.

Circle Posts $770M Q4 Revenue as USDC Supply Hits $75B

And just when you thought, “Oh, that’s a nice little chunk of change,” here comes the kicker: USDC in circulation hit $75.3 billion. That’s a 72% year-over-year growth. Not bad, not bad. But the real question: is there anyone not using USDC at this point? It’s like the water cooler of crypto-everybody’s got it, and if you don’t, well, what are you doing with your life?