Crypto news

As of December 14, 2025, Pepe’s price is hanging around a measly $0.000004380-hardly enough to buy a gumdrop, but hey, it’s something! Just yesterday, it nearly sneaked up to $0.00000441, inching forward by a tiny 1.85%. Woohoo! The rebound sprouted from a demand zone that’s been doing a good impression of a trusty old support pillow-bless its heart. Even with all the shenanigans in the crypto world, Pepe’s buyers are still clinging on like a cat on a hot tin roof, whispering, “Not today, bearies!”

Stablecoins, apparently, are processing $46 trillion in transactions. That’s more than the GDP of a few small countries and about the same as the number of times I’ve tried to understand blockchain. But here’s the kicker: they’re still trying to play nice with the old financial system, which is like teaching a toddler to drive a semi-truck. “Connecting digital dollars to existing financial rails” sounds exciting until you realize “existing financial rails” is just a fancy way of saying “a mess of outdated systems.”

With the solemnity of a 19th-century pamphleteer, Aevo unveiled a manifesto detailing its plan to dismantle Ribbon’s decentralized options vaults, victims of a Yuletide hack that spirited away $2.7 million from contracts as obsolete as a quill pen. Users, we are told, may withdraw funds posthaste once a contract upgrade debuts-next week, if the stars align. 🚀

One Josh Otten, a scribe of our age, hath proclaimed that a quantum computer, armed with Shor’s algorithm, could unravel the very fabric of Bitcoin’s earliest wallets. “Behold!” he cried, “Satoshi’s treasure shall be laid bare, and the market shall crumble like a house of cards in a gale!” 🏰💨 Yet, in this grand tragedy, one wonders: is it not the height of hubris to assume such a fate?

A recent AMBCrypto report, penned with the urgency of a man late for tea, suggested this was a “consolidation phase”-a fancy way of saying it’s taking a breather, perhaps sipping a martini while the world frets. Accumulator addresses, those quiet sultans of BTC hoarding, have been adding to their holdings with the enthusiasm of a man buying a second loaf of bread.

The dire missive, penned by MetaMask’s intrepid researcher Taylor Monahan (alias Tayvano), details a campaign so insidious it makes one question the very fabric of professional trust. A “long-con,” he calls it, targeting crypto barons who thought themselves immune to such sordid tricks. 🤖

Well, well, look who decided to stop jilting poor Bitcoin. After a whirlwind of investors flipping tables (literally) into exchanges, the digital coin has suddenly said, “Nah, I\’m done with this nonsense.” What\’s the proof? Deposits into exchanges are dropping faster than my interest in diet trends post-Christmas. And poof-Bitcoin’s price shot up 18% in three weeks, because apparently, recovery and valuation are now synonyms for “fairy godmother’s wand.” \n\n

Slow Your Roll, BTC?

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CryptoQuant’s analysts, armed with nothing but spreadsheets and existential dread, noticed Bitcoin’s price danced from $80,000 to $94,000 (like a timid penguin on ice). At the moment it’s hovering around $90,000, which is generous if you squint. Meanwhile, deposits into exchanges have gone from 88,000 BTC to 21,000 BTC-provocative, but not quite a “Here’s Johnny!” moment. \n\n

Big players, the human equivalent of a buffet of hubris, have cut their deposits from 47% to 21% over the past month. And the average deposit? Dropped from 1.1 BTC to 0.7 BTC-like realizing you only need half the ingredients for that soufflé you’re pretending to bake. \n\n

Will BTC Rally or Rallyman?

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speaking of hubris, let’s not forget the whales who recently flushed $3.2 billion down the drain like it’s their ex’s Instagram feed. Short-term holders aren’t faring better, squandering assets with the zeal of someone emptying a wallet at a fast-food drive-thru. \n\n

“History shows sell-offs end when everyone realizes they’re broke,” said CryptoQuant, because nothing says “professional insight” like a cosmic shrug emoji. 🤷♂️

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If Bitcoin keeps this up, it might reclaim $99,000, a price bracket that’s less “breakthrough moment” and more “meh, okay.” Just don’t expect it to break $112,000 anytime soon-the market’s new yearning for stability doesn’t quite stretch to spending money on a 5% yield. \n\n

Stay tuned, folks. Or don’t-Bitcoin’s probably going to have a midlife crisis next week anyway. \n

The daily chart unfolds like an epic tale, written by the gods of suspense themselves. Behold XRP, trapped within invisible bonds, pressed below the lofty peak of $2.58 and stubbornly boosted by a mere reactionary low at $1.83. The price loiters just above $2.00-an anchor in both psyche and structure. Momentum, that elusive partner, has traded its zest for apathy, with daily volumes mortifying in their decline since that electrifying December surge. Thus, XRP is evidently posturing for something significant-a spectacle, you might say-but it hasn’t yet showed up. Here it teeters on the brink, under the looming shadow of $2.18-$2.22 resistance and the clutching embrace of $1.98-$2.00 support. A grand scene awaits to unfurl, should it ever dare to RSVP.

The incident, immortalized in a post-mortem titled “Fusaka Mainnet Prysm Incident” (because nothing says “we messed up” like Latin), was a delightful symphony of resource exhaustion. Nearly every Prysm node decided to take a nap, leaving blocks and attestations unattended like neglected children.

Let’s rewind to a week before December 8th; token prices were doing the cha-cha from $0.37. By December 9th, they pulled a fancy 30.6% leap to $0.484. But then- plot twist! The rally decided it was time for a nap. 😴