And, of course, the altcoins-those faithful sidekicks-have followed suit like lemmings off a cliff. Ethereum, the self-proclaimed prince of smart contracts, has tumbled below $2,100. BNB is down to $630, and XRP is clinging to life below $1.40. It’s like a crypto fire sale, but nobody’s buying the popcorn.
This audacious proposal aims to impose a ban not only on the president and his vice but also on the congressmen and their politically appointed sidekicks, along with their close relatives-spouses and even the children who may have unknowingly inherited a penchant for speculation. It appears our lawmakers are greatly concerned that the upper echelons of power might find themselves profitably betting on the very outcomes they influence. Who would have thought that politicians could be so unscrupulous?
According to a CryptoQuant report, Strategy bought 45,000 BTC in 30 days-its fastest binge since April 2025. Everyone else? A measly 1,000 BTC combined. That’s a 99% decline from last year’s peak. Ouch.
Bitmine Immersion Technologies is changing direction. They’ve introduced MAVAN, which stands for Made-in-America Validator Network, and are now focusing on building infrastructure for Ethereum, rather than just mining Bitcoin.
On the 25th of March, 2026, these two rascals announced their grand plan to merge Bitgo’s custody services with Zksync’s Prividium, a blockchain platform so private, it makes a hermit crab look like a socialite. Together, they’re letting banks play with digital versions of their old-fashioned liabilities, all while keeping things as snug as a bug in a rug.
According to the scribes at crypto.news, Ondo (ONDO) pirouetted to a weekly high of $0.27 on the fateful Friday of March 26, only to retreat to $0.26 by the time the ink dried. A fleeting moment of glory, no doubt, but one that stirred the hearts of its adherents.
The bill aims to ban the president, vice president, members of Congress, political appointees, and their spouses (because let’s face it, who trusts a politician’s spouse?) from participating in prediction markets tied to political events. Because nothing says “trust in government” like forbidding them from wagering on their own decisions. Genius!
Within this comedic scroll, six whimsical behaviors have been identified that might just send shivers down the spines of those dabbling in the art of liquidity:
March is almost done, but Doge’s ETF is about as busy as a held‑back hallway. From the start of the month, only two days earned a net inflow. The first-March 2, 2026-saw a whirl of $779,100, pushing the cumulative total past $7.6 million for the first time. Then came a great lull: two weeks of zero inflow, prices doing a salsa dance, and hens calling on their moms.
Our intrepid investors, armed with tales of woe, lament that over a billion dollars-a staggering sum fit for a minor kingdom-of revenue generated from those digital gold rushers known as crypto miners was tucked away like a forgotten sock under the bed of corporate disclosure.