Alas, the co-CEO Yi He, a woman of such stature, fell victim to a social media hack on Tuesday night, as the founder CZ, ever the sage, lamented on X. “A villain has seized @heyibinance’s WeChat,” he declared, “do not trust the posts of these rascals!” 📢
But then, a leviathan awakens. BitcoinOG, they call him. A moniker earned not through piety, but through the exquisitely timed shorting of Bitcoin itself, back in October – a maneuver resulting in a rather significant pile of digital dust. A man who clearly understands the capricious nature of these markets – and, apparently, isn’t content with merely understanding them. He must play with them. 😈
According to Sygnum’s APAC HNWI Report 2025 (a snappy title, if I do say so myself), six out of ten high-net-worth individuals (HNWIs) in Asia are gearing up to increase their crypto stash over the next few years. The surveyed lot included 270 HNWIs with more than $1 million in investable assets and professional investors with over ten years of experience across ten APAC countries. Singapore took the lion’s share, with Hong Kong, Indonesia, South Korea, and Thailand tagging along for the ride.
Bitcoin derivatives are practically whispering, “Not you again,” as traders yawn at the idea of $100K. Meanwhile, gold’s like, “I’m literally right here, babe.” 💍
In a post on X (because where else would this drama unfold?), Bull Theory called out Jane Street for crashing Bitcoin every day at 10 a.m. ET. 🕙 Like clockwork, 16 hours of gains wiped out in 20 minutes. Classic Wall Street move. 🤦♂️ Since early November, when Bitcoin fell below $100,000 (remember those days?), this pattern has been as consistent as my inability to finish a sentence without complaining. 😤
Behold, the corporate coffers overfloweth with Bitcoin, surpassing one million BTC! Institutional giants, with their cold, calculating hearts, now hold the reins, steering the market like a carriage through a Gogol-esque fog. 🧮🐉
Pi’s price dropped to $0.2145, which, if you’re keeping score, is its lowest point in almost a month. That’s a solid 25% drop since November. This is what we like to call a “local bear market.” Or as I like to call it, “a disastrous week.”
A whisper from Criptonocias speaks of a slow unraveling. Since March 2023, the validators have fled like pilgrims abandoning a fading shrine. The crypto community, ever the gossips, murmurs of a network teetering on the edge of collapse, or perhaps a necessary purge of the idle and the deceitful. 🧙♂️
In a letter penned with the urgency of a drowning man clutching a ledger, the AFT decried the Responsible Financial Innovation Act-a name so oxymoronic it could only be the work of a satirist. “The bill,” they declared, “fails to regulate crypto assets with the rigor of a medieval alchemist trying to turn lead into gold. Most pensions avoid crypto because it’s riskier than a tiger wearing roller skates. This legislation pretends crypto is stable? Absurd!”
Ethereum (ETH), that charming altcoin, has once again proven itself to be the life of the party. With a staggering 7% surge today, it’s leaving many to wonder if it’s part of some grand performance or just a temporary burst of energy. 🤔
