Crypto news

Cook’s not alone in this parched field. Paul Tudor Jones, that hedge-fund cowboy, has saddled up with call options covering over a million NKE shares, hedging with puts like a farmer dousing his barn while the hay’s on fire. Tudor’s 13F filing reads like a rodeo ticket: $71.63 million in calls, $9.811 million in puts, and 26,447 shares stashed like a secret stash of whiskey. “Bullish,” they call it. We call it playing poker with a deck missing half the cards. 🃏

Cue the fanfare 🎺-the network’s 2025 “achievements” (read: incremental code updates) have been celebrated with the enthusiasm of a toddler receiving a participation trophy. But lo! The hero returns to remind us that Ethereum’s true quest is not for glory, but for… checks notes… decentralization? Or was it world domination? Unclear. 🌍

Oh, the tragedy! South Korean investors, those valiant souls, fled to foreign lands in 2025, seeking the forbidden fruits of derivatives and hedging. A joint report by CoinGecko and Tiger Research, that most solemn of scribes, reveals the exodus of 160 trillion won-a flood that drowns the hopes of local exchanges!

In this grand theater of markets, XRP (XRP) parades as the tragic protagonist, teetering on the edge of oblivion. The $1.74 level? A crossroads where Fibonacci’s ghost conspires with the Value Area Low-a confluence of despair and delusion! 🌪️

Hackers are selling read-only access to Kraken’s internal admin panel on a dark web forum. Because what’s more fun than risking your data? 🎉

These gains were likely spurred by the release of Jupiter Mobile V3. This is a major update to its mobile app, the “first fully native pro trading mobile platform,” announced in a post on X. 🤯 (Note: X is now just Twitter, but we’re pretending it’s a secret society.)

From a sentiment perspective, the Crypto Fear & Greed Index is just 6 points shy of neutral – a level so neutral, it’s practically a nap in the middle of a hurricane! 🌪️💤

This plan, much like a peacock flaunting its colorful feathers, is aimed at expanding the influence of stablecoins, those peculiar little coins that promise stability in a world rife with volatility, akin to a cat walking on a tightrope. Moreover, our dear Brian intends to broaden the horizons of his digital dominion into various market verticals, as if they were ripe fruits hanging from a tree, begging to be plucked.

Meanwhile, the project is gearing up for the next price increase of its pre-launch phase. The next price increase will see the value of the HINU token rise from $0.00024581 to $0.00024675. A leap so thrilling, it’s like watching a snail race… but with more decimals. 🐌💸

But what’s behind this sudden resurgence, you ask? Well, my dear, let’s dive into the drama, shall we?