Turns out, the market’s weird dance was choreographed by a cocktail of technical glitches and macro shocks – a perfect storm that unmasked just how stretched these leverage cartoons had become. Might as well have tied a rocket to their backs and sent them all skyward, but instead, they found the ground quite aggressively. Ah, the joy of financial gravity.
//media.crypto.news/2025/12/ETHUSDT_2025-12-12_03-19-57.webp”/>
Citing Article 511 of the Law on Mass Media-because nothing says “freedom” like legal jargon-the ministry now restricts global domains of these platforms. One wonders if the “inappropriate” ads featured too many rockets or not enough ponzi schemes. 🚀
Just as Bitcoin was busting a move, the derivatives market decided to switch the record. Those sneaky whale investors are backing away from their bullish bets faster than a clown car at a circus. On-chain metrics say they’re closing their longs, which is basically their way of saying, “This party’s too wild for us!” 🎉
The data, dear reader, doth suggest that the bottom may still be a distant acquaintance. On-chain metrics and price action, those trusty harbingers of financial fate, whisper of potential depths yet unplumbed. Alas, a key indicator, beloved by traders, hath not yet reached the levels that historically marked the market’s lamentable lows. 😢
Nay, the price of ETH was struck down with the swiftness of a thunderbolt, rebounding beneath the sacred averages and recoiling near $3,500. Such a move, though seemingly haphazard, is a calculated test of market resolve, a liquidity grab wrapped in the guise of a stumble. The subtlety lies in this: such a fakeout oft occurs near the end of a rally, not its beginning, clearing stop-losses like a scythe through wheat and exposing the weak-willed, driving out the impatient with the ferocity of a storm.
The number of new Bitcoin (BTC) treasury companies declined from its peak of 53 new companies in the third quarter to just nine companies adding Bitcoin to their balance sheet in the fourth quarter of 2025 so far, with a total of 117 new companies adopting Bitcoin this year, according to blockchain data platform CryptoQuant. 📉📈
The fundamentals remain shaky, but the recent price behaviour suggests the market may be stabilising after a long period of exhaustion-and this sets the stage for a deeper look at whether a true higher-timeframe reversal is forming. 🤔
This method of mining is opening up the crypto space for anyone who dares to join the chaos, regardless of their technical prowess or appetite for risk. Finding a trustworthy platform? Well, that’s like finding a decent umbrella in London-difficult, but not impossible. Here are our picks, curated with the elegance of a well-tailored waistcoat:
