In the past 24 hours, this DeFi liquidity-loving blockchain has done a jig, rallying a whopping 15.48%-and if that weren’t enough, it’s strutting around with a sassy 62.58% increase over the week! Talk about a glow-up! 💃
“Why chase self-sustainability?” he scoffs! Instead, let us sprint towards growth! This bold challenge to Buterin’s so-called “walkaway test” has ignited fervent discussions about the very essence and trajectory of blockchain networks.
But what of the rest? Pour your drink deeper, dear reader, and let us waltz through this week’s absurd ballet of winners and losers.
According to prominent blockchain sleuth ZachXBT, the crypto theft occurred on January 10, 2026 at around 11:00 pm UTC. Around 2.05 million Litecoin (worth roughly $153 million) and 1,459 Bitcoin (equivalent to around $139 million) was drained from the victim’s hardware wallet after they were tricked into sharing their seed phrase. 🤖🧠
The Curious Case of the Divided Factions 🎭
In recent days, XRP has been departing public exchanges with all the haste of a debutante fleeing an undesirable suitor. Once removed from such establishments, these tokens are, much like a well-guarded spinster, far less likely to be hastily parted with. This does not, of course, ensure a rise in fortune, but it does render the supply somewhat scarcer-a circumstance that would surely delight any tradesman of sense. 💼
In the manner typical of the age, Google ordained that developers of these modern monoliths of finance must upload irrefutable evidence-no mere casual declaration-that their VASP registration has been heartily accepted by the all-seeing, all-knowing FIU through the hallowed developer console. This was no trivial matter of punctuation or misplaced metaphor; it was a bridge, tying app distribution directly to the whims of local regulatory approval. 📜
So there we were, minding our own business, sipping lukewarm coffee and pretending to understand Bitcoin, when-BAM!-the New York Times drops a quote so out of context it might as well have been translated via carrier pigeon. The quote? From Jan van Eck himself: “We’ve stayed away… It’s just publicity.” Sounds damning, right? Like VanEck was sidestepping MicroStrategy (MSTR) like it was a questionable street taco.
On the fateful day of January 18, the esteemed Mr. Ali Martinez, a man of considerable insight, shared a most intriguing chart on the platform X. According to this sagacious analyst, the current inactivity may yet herald a bullish crescendo, should the price breach its confines. 📊
Behold, the tale of the digital age, where the soulless machines of Bitcoin miners carve their fortunes in the cold, unfeeling void of cyberspace! 🌀💸 Two solitary souls, like ghosts in the machine, claimed their prizes of $300K each, while a shadowy serpent, cloaked in deceit, siphoned $282M from the gullible. And lo, a titan of finance, Strategy, swallows a $1.2B bite of Bitcoin, a feast for the hungry. 🐍💰
