Crypto news

SHIB dropped 0.76% since yesterday, or as your uncle calls it, “still not enough to be worth anything at Thanksgiving.”

Not so long ago, XRP slumbered in the fields of indifference, its price listless, almost as if yearning for the stolid comfort of rural obscurity. And yet, from the lowly dirt between $1.92 and $1.95—a support as vital as fresh vodka on a winter’s evening—it roused itself fiercely. This revival, as is the custom in our restless era, was not due to any nobility of purpose, but because the mighty Bitcoin and Ethereum had, with the petulance of generals outflanking one another, abruptly decided the battle would go their way, dragging along their lesser comrades for the ride.

Those who peer into the glowing abyss of market charts whisper: Bitcoin has found new life, climbing from $103,500 with the mania of a St. Petersburg society woman seeking gossip. The price crashed past $104,200, $105,500—each a checkpoint on a somber march towards fulfillment or ruin.

With a flourish on X (the social network formerly known as “not really Twitter anymore”), Trader Tardigrade observed that the recent Doji smacks suspiciously of a plot twist: could this be the moment Dogecoin’s fortunes rise, phoenix-like, from a sea of investor regret? The analyst suggests a reversal is possible, as if the price now yearns for the sweet, giddy heights it once knew—preferably somewhere in the vicinity of that mythical $0.2 mark, beloved by the optimistic and the overly caffeinated.

Could this be a rebound or merely a cunning disguise? From the daily chart, bitcoin has bounced up from a recent low of $98,240, which, for reference, is a lot of bananas. After being savagely walloped down by a selloff that would make Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler flinch, it dashed past $106,000 aided by, naturally, a bullish engulfing candlestick—because nothing says “confidence” like a pattern named after an aggressive hug. Support stands at $98,240, resistance at $112,000, and the bulls are lurking like librarians eyeing overdue books. Buyer volume is wary but, like Nobby Nobbs on payday, seems inclined to stick around.

There is talk (oh, how they talk!) of barriers toppled, of “access” being granted to the masses who, until now, were barred from the on-chain Eden—as if the masses had been knocking so passionately at the crypto gates, yearning for decentralized enlightenment and QR-code salvation.

“I’d wager a robust 91% chance of MSTR making their entrance into the S&P 500 this quarter,” Walton announced in a video that, alas, stopped short of jazz hands. 🍸

The boffins in the engine room have finally delivered the long-whispered batch transactions. Imagine the delight! Now, instead of shuffling coins one by one like a dowager at the bingo, enterprises can simply fling tokens en masse with one mighty heave. Absolutely spiffing for those who need to pay their minions—or distribute tokens to their adoring public—without breaking a sweat or a monocle.

Monsieur Benjamin Cowen, with all the pomp and circumstance of an oracle (and approximately one million disciples on the stage known as “X”), pronounces that bold Bitcoin teeters on the abyss, prepared to tumble below the sacred support at a mere, pauper’s sum of $100,000. Quelle tragédie!

According to a communique so solemn it ought to have carried a wax seal, the vast, magisterial pipes of Mastercard’s payments labyrinth are now twinned with the blithe blockchain rails of Chainlink’s interoperability protocol. Gladiators in this circus include Shift4 (handling the dreary business of payment processing), ZeroHash (custodian of cash and crypto, perhaps with a monocle), while XSwap and Uniswap linger nearby, ready to swap tokens like over-caffeinated coin-collectors. Oh, the glamour! 💃🕺