The new gospel: Sei Improvement Proposal-3, second of its name, not unlike a Dostoevskian son torn between fathers and unattainable ideals. If the clergy of governance nod in solemn agreement, Sei would become an EVM-only chain. Cosmos accounts, once hopeful participants, now reduced to a ghostly memory, whispered only in taverns by those nostalgic for complicated user flows.
Ransomware, for the uninitiated, is the digital equivalent of a schoolyard bully locking your lunch in a magic box and demanding your pocket money (preferably paid in shiny Bitcoin) for the key. Of all the bullies roaming cyberspace, LockBit was the ringleader—so notorious that in February 2024, ten entire countries formed a superhero coalition to knock them on the head. Billions in damages later, the baddies were still up to their old tricks—until, of course, they got tricked themselves (oh, the irony!).
Alas, the token has dropped a delicate 15% from the buyback’s dreamy $0.50 average, according to Pine Analytics, a research firm beloved by those who enjoy graphs signifying despair.
In this gambit worthy of Lewis Carroll (if Alice dared a layover in Paro), Bhutan shrugs off the ink-stained ledgers of yore to unveil its grand crypto tourism system—courtesy of Binance Pay and DK Bank, the latter a true wizard in settling your digital amusements.
According to Linea’s May 7th X post (on Twitter for anyone over 40), you can now whizz your assets from Ethereum mainnet to Linea and forget about L2 gas—if, and only if, you behave. By “behave,” they mean use their native bridge, avoid big transactions, and absolutely do not try to sneak in any Circle CCTP USDC. This “offer” is, according to Linea, an attempt “to reduce friction for new users.” Nothing says “frictionless onboarding” like a list of exclusions longer than my family’s holiday invite list.
It would not be the first such miracle for Dogecoin. The market, capricious as a Russian spring, loves a good upheaval. And who, you ask, would bet on such an audacious rise? No one but analysts armed with their charts, as solemn as philosophers and twice as verbose. Let us peer, together, into this abyss of optimism.
As CryptoPotato eloquently points out (without a single potato joke, sadly), Bitcoin is apparently eyeing up that $100,000 resistance level the way I eye a sale on artisanal cheese—full of hope, terror, and confusion. But if you look at the rainbow-colored heatmap below, you’ll see—yes, it’s green! Not because of a global financial revolution, but because no one told these coins that markets usually wait for actual facts to go up.
Cardano’s price is now at $0.701, which is a 4.32% rise in a single day. A lovely bullish engulfing candle appears, and suddenly, everyone’s feeling optimistic. The weekend’s little pullback? That’s all behind us now. Moving on!
This mighty leap has propelled Bitcoin’s market cap to a stonking $1.96 trillion, give or take the odd shilling. Meanwhile, its fully diluted valuation (which, one suspects, means all the gin poured in) is tipping the scales at $2.07 trillion. And with 19.86 million BTC now circulating—goodness, nearly all out of a crisp 21 million—the air of scarcity is thicker than the fog over the Thames on Boat Race Day. Supply-and-demand, old bean, always the trick to sending values into the stratosphere 🚀.
MakroVision, in the role of village soothsayer, bristled with the news: from the dark valley at $75,000, Bitcoin’s journey became a winter tale of improbable rebound, described as “impressive”—if, perhaps, written by the same hand that finds nobility in lost causes and heroism in mere survival. The descending trendline, once a bureaucratic gatekeeper of price, now lay shattered—its reign ended not with a bang but with the quiet resignation of an office worker clocking out early on a Friday.
