By the time you’ve read this, Quant’s price has probably gone up 8%-if it hasn’t already, it’s probably just taking a coffee break. The move followed a decisive breakout above the 20-day and 50-day exponential moving averages, a technical shift that’s about as reliable as a toddler’s promise to clean their room.
The recent nosedive, which would make even the most seasoned rollercoaster enthusiast queasy, came amid a market so volatile it makes a soap opera look like a documentary. President Donald Trump, in a move that surprised absolutely no one, announced new tariffs on eight European Union countries. Because, you know, nothing says “economic stability” like a good old-fashioned trade war. This, naturally, sent risk assets into a tailspin, with Bitcoin (BTC) slipping below $95,000 and Ethereum (ETH) following suit. Pi Coin, never one to miss out on a good disaster, joined the party with enthusiasm.
In a classic case of ‘guess who’s coming to dinner,’ the attacker whisked away 1,299 ETH in one fell swoop. PeckShield, ever the nosy neighbor, confirms that our elusive villain was front-run by a savvy MEV builder, revealing the on-chain drama that unfolded.
The cause of this sudden reversal? None other than the trifling matter of diplomatic tensions over Greenland, renewed threats of trade tariffs (how tiresome!), and the news that Kevin Hassett, a policy dove of some note, is to remain in his current role rather than ascending to the lofty position of US Fed Chair. One can only imagine the consternation this must have caused in the drawing rooms of high finance.
The big brains at NYSE, owned by Intercontinental Exchange Inc., are marrying their trusty order-matching tech with private blockchain networks. The goal? Real-time trading, funding, and settlement of tokenized securities. Executives are buzzing like bees around a honeypot, promising a launch later this year-SEC willing. 🐝
What, you ask, is this Hashrate? ‘Tis the sum of all mining power, measured in hashes per second (H/s), or, for the more refined palate, exahashes per second (EH/s). A barometer of miner sentiment, it swells with profit dreams or shrinks with despair. Yet lo! This month’s chart from Blockchain.com paints a portrait of desolation. 📉🎭
Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round! The crypto circus has struck gold again, with exchange-traded products pulling in a staggering $2.2 billion-more than a bag of shiny rocks in a gold rush! 🪙💸 Mark my words, this is the most thrilling week since the invention of the wheel (or at least since the last Bitcoin rally).
Tim Draper is a familiar face in crypto circles, a man who has long played the role of the prophet in a land of skeptics. During an episode of the Divot podcast, he maintained that “bitcoin against the dollar is a really good bet,” a statement so confident it could make a seasoned gambler blush. 🤑
Dogecoin, the meme-born jester, briefly flirted with $0.15 last week-because why not?-before slinking back below $0.13, burdened by the weight of profit-taking peasants. Truly, a tale of two coins. 🎭
Yet, amidst this torrent of wealth, Bitcoin, our dear BTC, lags behind like a sleepy bear in winter, while gold and silver frolic in the sun, gaining 70% and 150% respectively. 🦄 Bitcoin, you poor dear, you’ve stumbled a bit, falling 6-7%, but fear not! This is but a momentary hiccup, a comedic interlude in your grand saga. 😂
