Crypto news

Enter Bitguru, a fellow who posts more prophecies on X (formerly known as Twitter, that cesspool of wisdom and nonsense) than a carnival psychic with a Wi-Fi connection. He claims the Dogecoin price is dangling by a thread at $0.166-yes, that’s six cents short of real money. This magical digit, he says, is now the battleground where bulls charge like Don Quixote and bears yawn like they’ve seen it all (which, let’s face it, they have).

See, the crypto crowd loves tossing around the word trustless like it’s confetti at a blockchain parade. But Szabo’s here to remind us: even if you don’t need a central bank to babysit the ledger, you still need to trust developers not to accidentally code in a “steal your coins” clause. And network participants? They’re supposed to follow rules, not throw a consensus party and invite chaos as the guest of honor.

The cryptocurrency ASTER slinked into a ditch and traded at $1.26, surviving a 10% rally that would make a jalopy weep. Technical analysts cried “structural integrity!” as if a price chart is a house made of lard and wishful thinking. Token unlocks, delayed like a toddler’s bedtime after Halloween candy-saved the day. 🦇

Apparently, the majority of institutional investors either haven’t the faintest notion what all the bother is about, or, more charitably, simply haven’t the time to indulge such provincial squabbles. Supporting the ‘Knots’ camp? Don’t be absurd. The very idea! 🤷‍♀️

Oh. My. God. So, apparently, someone has been holding Cardano – like, for five years 🙄 – and then managed to, shall we say, spectacularly miscalculate a stablecoin swap. The result? A cool $6 million gone. Just. Like. That. Honestly, you\’d think after five years of HODLing, one might develop a slightly better grasp of, you know, actual trading. 🤷\u200d♀️

Speaking of Schiff, the Bitcoin skeptic extraordinaire, he’s been on a rampage on X (formerly Twitter, because why not?). 🦜 He claims Strategy’s model is built on sand and that those “high-yield” preferred shares? Yeah, he says they’ll never actually pay out. 😱 And if demand weakens, it’s a “death spiral”-his words, not mine! 💀

A direct evaluation of the monthly chart doth highlight the $1.78 region as a pivotal structural support. This level sitteth near the mid-range of the multi-month volume profile and hath repeatedly acted as a pivot during prior corrections. Mark well, dear reader, SUI hath delivered multiple higher-timeframe wicks into this zone without a confirmed candle close below it-evidence that buyers remain active, even amid a 24% monthly drawdown. 🏹

DOGE’s price, like a deflated balloon, has tumbled 1.48% since yesterday. Who needs a rocket ship when you’ve got a leaky inner tube? 🎈

Ah, Bitcoin, that tempestuous darling of the financial world, is currently in a bit of a tizzy. The Fear and Greed Index has dropped to a three-year low, leaving investors clutching their pearls and reassessing their portfolios. 🧐 Timothy Peterson, that clever chap, suggests more losses are on the horizon. How dreadfully exciting! 🌪️

Teresa Goody Guillen, that indefatigable defender of Zhao’s honor, confronted Anthony Pompliano on the Pomp Podcast with the gravitas of a prophetess summoning fire from heaven. Her verdict? A masterstroke of sarcasm: “Impossible. It could never happen.” As if the blockchain itself, that immutable ledger of hubris and hope, had deigned to whisper its verdict through her lips. 🧾