Crypto news

Bitcoin’s having a worse day than me after three glasses of wine and a text from my ex. Down 2.62% in the last 24 hours. 🥴💔 Someone get this coin a therapist, stat.

Meanwhile, BNB, that noble steed of Binance, slips down to $888, and Solana, the speedy horse that once bolted ahead, falls again, this time to roughly $135-weak, tired, perhaps pleading for a break after days of relentless testing. TRON skims just above $0.28, barely afloat, and Dogecoin, that whimsical jester, tumbles to $0.14 – losing ground and laughing to itself all the way down. Cardano dips modestly, to $0.43, and Bitcoin Cash, the sturdy fortress, dips to around $574 – a decline that no amount of blockchain magic can explain away. 🤔

High OI persists, but not with the chaos of a stampede-merely the elegance of a slow waltz. 🕺

Apparently, quantum threats, liquidation cascades, and Tether drama were just speed bumps on the road to crypto utopia. 🛣️ Now, market makers are chill, and Bitcoin’s four-year halving cycles? Pfft, old news. 📉✌️

One cannot help but smile at the audacity of it all, for the good folks at USPD now offer a reward of ten percent-imagine!-if the gentleman or lady of ill-repute deigns to return ninety percent of their ill-gotten gains. Truly, a most generous offer for such a piece of villainy. 😏🎁

Aptos, poor dear, is not a victim of technological inadequacy-heaven forbid! Its woes stem from a tokenomic structure so ill-conceived it could only have been devised by a committee of well-meaning but utterly clueless aristocrats. A total supply of 1.18 billion APT? Preposterous! A circulating supply of 733 million? Absurd! Monthly unlocks of 11.3 million tokens? A veritable flood of sell pressure, enough to make even the most stoic investor reach for the smelling salts. November’s unlock, timed with the precision of a badly choreographed waltz, coincided with yet another precipitous dump. 🕺💨

Volatility, that mischievous jester, is on the rise, and liquidity, the lifeblood of the market, flows like a river in spring. Analysts, those modern-day soothsayers, peer into their charts with furrowed brows, wondering if ZEC can reclaim its throne before the weekend’s curtain falls. 🧙‍♂️🔮

BDACS, in a moment of capitalist clarity, launched KRW1 on Polygon-because duh, why not avoid Ethereum’s gas fees and playtime like it’s 2017? 🙃 The proof-of-concept worked so well, even the ghosts of early blockchain pioneers might’ve clapped. Now KRW1 can slay real-time settlements while cruising Web3’s most adopted arena. Pro tip: Check if your deposit’s stable before it turns into crypto’s version of a ghost town. 👻

The paper reveals that the global “stablecoin” market cap has ballooned past $300 billion. And, hold on to your hats, a whopping 97% of these tokens are just dollar-clones sent from space. This singular dominance by only-it-feels-like-United-Stablecoin Nation, with heroes like Tether’s USDT and Circle’s USDC waving the dollar flag, is enough to make you question your high school trigonometry teacher’s motives. USDT, perched at $1.00026, boasts a market cap circa $185.3 billion as of December 4, 2025. USDC, the hotshot at $0.9999, flashes a market cap near $78.0 billion and, for good measure, a daily trade volume over $11.0 billion.