Crypto news

What is this “real signal,” you ask? Why, it is the crossing of two Exponential Moving Averages (EMAs), those arcane lines that dance upon the charts like ghosts at a midnight ball. Egrag Crypto, with the gravity of a prophet and the flourish of a vaudevillian, declares this intersection between the 50-day and 200-day EMAs to be the harbinger of a trend reversal so explosive, it might make even the most stoic trader blush with excitement. Or is it merely a trick of the light, a mirage in the desert of despair? 🕺💫

First Hour Volume -> $16.30M

Day Projection -> $105,950,000 in Share Volume

For Bitcoin, December is almost a comfort zone: a median gain of around 8.42%, with notable years like 2017 (38.8%), 2020 (47.8%), and 2016 (29.2%) acting as proof that this coin likes to finish strong. It’s the dependable old man at the holiday dinner, always showing up with a smile and a wallet full of cash. But XRP? Ah, XRP’s style is much more like a tense family gathering-full of surprises, some of which are delightful, like a sudden gift, and others less so.

Turns out, nation-states are throwing money at zero-click vulnerabilities like they’re Black Friday deals. Why? To spy on high-value targets, of course! Diplomats, officials, and anyone else with a crypto wallet that’s fatter than a Thanksgiving turkey. 🦃💰 These hackers are using commercial spyware to compromise apps like Signal, WhatsApp, and Telegram. Once they’re in, your phone is basically their playground, and your crypto wallet? Just another slide in the park. 🎢

Now, hold your applause, because this isn’t just any stablecoin launch-oh no. Klarna is the first bank to venture into the brave new world of issuing a stablecoin on Tempo, a blockchain concoction by Stripe and Paradigm, designed specifically for payments. The reasoning? Well, it’s simple. Klarna sees the $120 billion in annual cross-border payment fees as a slightly unpleasant (and costly) side-effect of global commerce-and aims to reduce them. Bravo, Klarna, bravo! 🌍💰

Stablecoin transactions are raking in over $27 trillion a year now (yes, trillion with a “T”), and new rules in the U.S. and Europe have finally given companies the green light to jump on this digital bandwagon. Klarna is clearly seizing the moment, speeding ahead like an over-caffeinated fintech startup.

Solana ($SOL), that fickle maiden, hath jumped 5% as the x402 protocol doth stir the speculative pot. A blockchain so lively, it makes the court jesters blush! 🎭

In a post on X that was undoubtedly more dramatic than necessary, Glassnode analyst Chris Beamish (who clearly has too much time on his hands) has chronicled Bitcoin’s latest existential crisis through the lens of the MVRV Z-Score. This indicator, much like society’s judgment of one’s choice in waistcoats, compares Bitcoin’s market cap with its Realized Cap – which is essentially asking, “Darling, are you worth what you think you’re worth?”

1 reserve model backed by cash, short-term U.S. Treasuries, and things that look like cash. Monthly audits by Withum ensure that nobody accidentally prints money while the coffee brews.

My dear reader, what is this we hear about Pi Network stagnating like a soggy crumpet at a dinner party? The price flounders near $0.2380, bravely freefalling 1.54% in 24 hours. A performance more dramatic than my last column-though I do prefer my metaphors with a touch of panache 🌟.