Bitcoin’s Wild Ride: Scandal, Drama, and Crypto Chaos! 🎭💸

Jerome Powell, that valiant Fed Chair, dropped a bombshell on Sunday with all the subtlety of a slapstick comedian: the Justice Department, in a fit of bureaucratic pique, summoned grand jury subpoenas and waved the specter of criminal charges over his head-over a building renovation, no less! 🏗️⚖️ The man called it “political pressure” with the bluntness of a tavern keeper denying a drunkard another drink: “We set rates for the public good, not to kiss the President’s ring!” 🤭👑

Bitcoin’s Big Chill: Sellers Back Off? 🧊📈

Bitcoin (BTC) is starting 2026 like a tired mule, refusing to buck the load. On-chain data whispers that long-term holders are slowing their selling, while short-term traders are hugging their coins tighter than a bank vault. It’s the calm before the storm-or maybe just the storm’s nap. 🌪️💤

Bitpanda’s Global Gambit: Crypto, Compliance & Chaos 🚀💸

Vishal Sacheendran, Bitpanda’s VP of Global Markets Strategy, recently declared that regulation is not a bureaucratic thorn in their side but a “growth engine.” A bold claim, akin to calling a crocodile a pet. Yet, he insists, securing MiCAR, FCA, and VARA approvals was not a box-ticking exercise but a “deliberate strategy to create a consistent operational model across regions.” A phrase that sounds suspiciously like a euphemism for “we hired a team of lawyers to nap in different time zones.”