Enter Raoul Pal, the macro guru with a theory that’s basically, “Chill, the bull market’s just fashionably late.” 🕶️ According to Nathan Sloan’s breakdown, Pal’s like, “Crypto’s 4-year cycle? More like 5-year cycle now. Peak’s in 2026, folks. Spoiler alert: No crypto winter, just a delayed mega-boom.” 🚀✨
Now, this shiny wallet is flaunting over 98.3 million RLUSD, which has sent the XRP community into a delightful tizzy, akin to a cat seeing a laser pointer for the first time. Everyone’s furiously speculating on what the big players might be cooking up, probably something more enticing than yesterday’s leftovers.
Things Worth Notin’ (if you got a minute)
Bybit has released its 2026 crypto outlook, outlining the key forces likely to influence digital asset markets over the coming year. The report centers on bitcoin and the broader crypto market, drawing on derivatives data, options-implied probabilities, volatility trends, and cross-asset correlations. It also considers macroeconomic conditions, regulatory developments, and institutional adoption to assess how market behavior may evolve through 2026. 🎭💸
Well, by thunder! The Almighty Donny Trump, him who plays chess with the devil and calls it a pickup game, has thrown down the gauntlet regarding Sam Bankman-Fried’s pardon. According to The New York Times (yes, that old nemesis of truth and coffee), our illustrious leader confirmed this during an interview on January 9, 2026-sounds like he picked the date to make history’s calendar scream “Legacy?” Please. He also praised his pro-crypto stance, claiming it fetched him votes. “It’s not my fault folks like crypto more than they like my golf courses,” he probably muttered while squinting at the camera. 🤡
This Dogecoin, it seems, has had a rather spirited start to the year, jumpin’ around like a flea in a carpet factory – a 21% increase from a measly $0.117. They say it hit a high of $0.156. High for a memecoin, perhaps, but I’ve seen higher hills in Missouri. It had reportedly been lookin’ peaked, lost half its value from way back when, before suddenly perk’in up. This fella, Trader Tardigrade-a right mouthful of a name, that-points to some “Tweezer candlesticks.” Now, I ain’t no expert in readin’ candles, but it sounds like some sort of fortune tellin’ with wax. Seems they thinks it’s a sign of a bit of a rebound.
In a missive dispatched via the digital ether (or “X post,” as the plebeians call it), Bird opined that XRP’s price is destined for its most spectacular ascent yet, predicated on Bitcoin’s waning supremacy. He noted, with the gravity of a man announcing the end of the world, that BTC.D’s precipitous drops in 2018, 2021, and 2024 coincided with XRP’s parabolic flights of fancy. The 2018 rally, in particular, saw XRP soar to its previous all-time high, a feat as fleeting as a summer romance in a Waugh novel. 🕊️💸
Lo! On-chain data from CryptoQuant reveals a staggering 2,692,600,000 XRP cowering in Binance’s vaults, as if hiding from a bear market’s slapstick routine. 🏦 Mon Dieu! Is this a treasure trove or a prelude to disaster?
The native token of Truebit, a verification and orchestration layer for tokenized assets, collapsed by 99.95% on Jan. 8 after hackers decided to treat the protocol like an all-you-can-steal buffet. Market data reveals that the TRU token, which was trading near $0.1663 prior to the breach, crashed to $0.00005417 by 3 p.m. EST. That’s not a crash-it’s a faceplant into the dirt. 💸