Crypto news

Key Highlights (or, as I prefer, the breadcrumbs to madness):

This method is cheap, decentralized, resembling a hydra whose heads one cuts only to sprout more-laughably hard to obliterate. And yet, for now, the known victims appear few and far between.

Yet, lo and behold! A flicker of change appears on the horizon. While we must not jump to conclusions-price action alone is no oracle-it would seem that the clouds of uncertainty are parting, and buyers are awakening from their slumber, ready to embrace the available supply with open arms. How quaint!

This little surge has, of course, thrown a spanner in the works. Or, rather, a very expensive, digitally-rendered spanner. Is it a proper recovery? 🧐 Or merely a temporary spasm, a sort of financial hiccup brought on by excessive avocado consumption and general millennial enthusiasm? The jury, as always, is out.

Mr. Armstrong, ever the man of action (and the social media posting), has declared on X – a platform one continues to avoid – his utter dissatisfaction with the Senate Banking Committee’s draft. It appears the proposal, in his estimation, threatens the entire edifice of tokenization, decentralized finance (whatever that is), and even those curious entities known as stablecoins. And all this, naturally, while eroding the long-held, and frankly rather tiresome, notion of financial privacy. 🧐

Kaito, that paragon of crypto analytics, has declared the end of Yaps, its token-based engagement feature, and the retirement of incentivized leaderboards. A move away from open reward models? How novel! 💸🚫

Dated January 15, their letter reads like a plea from a forgotten village, beseeching the SEC to stop dismissing cases against crypto kings like Binance, Coinbase, and Kraken. Since January 2025, the SEC has closed a dozen such cases, including the recent surrender to the Zcash Foundation. One wonders if the agency’s servers were struck by a sudden bout of amnesia or if the coffee ran out. 😒

Key Highlights

Behold, the LMAX Group, a global FX and crypto marketplace, and Ripple, a crypto solutions company, have struck a deal so audacious it could make Queen Elizabeth blush. Their mission? To stitch together traditional finance and digital assets with the finesse of a Victorian seamstress. 🧵

Meanwhile, Bitcoin (BTC) is apparently in a contest to see how high it can go, hitting a high of $97,375 before realizing it still had to come down for dinner. Now it’s lounging around at $96,243. Not too shabby, but let’s not get too excited – it’s still just a number, folks! Ethereum is doing its own dance between $3,300 and $3,400, like it’s playing hopscotch with our emotions. At least it peaked at $3,391 before settling down at $3,315, down a mere 0.50%. Classic Ethereum! 🙄