Crypto news

Last week, as Moscow’s chestnut trees were just beginning to split their sticky brown buds (at least the ones that hadn’t been torn up to make way for yet another parking garage for imported SUVs), a most un-Moscow sort of miracle took place on the crypto trading floors: a wisp of a tokenized phantom tied to Micron Technology, that chipmaker whose silicon brains power all the AI that’s supposed to soon outwrite Pushkin (spoiler: it can’t even spell ‘bloknot’ correctly, let alone compose a sonnet), rocketed past the $100 million market cap milestone like it was fleeing a crowd of angry prostitutes from the Arbat. Even Woland’s retinue, who know a thing or two about making money off human foolishness, raised an eyebrow at this one.

For anyone who’s still stuck in 2003 and doesn’t know what SoFi is, it’s the U.S. fintech firm that does everything from banking to lending to investing to letting you bet your holiday savings on a random dogecoin spike. Now they’ve added a stablecoin to the mix, because apparently 17 different services weren’t enough to keep their app developers in fancy matcha lattes.

In a move that could only be described as “darling, how avant-garde,” DTCC has announced plans to tokenize its custodied assets on the Stellar blockchain. And when, you ask? Oh, merely by the first half of 2027. One can only hope they don’t miss the curtain call.

It began, as these things often do, with a pronouncement from Strive’s Strategist Joe Burnett, a man whose name alone suggests a relentless pursuit of the elusive. Burnett, with the confidence of a soothsayer, declared that the Bitcoin Power Law model-a construct as arcane as it is revered-dictates that BTC should reign at $163,500. A bold claim, indeed, for a currency that currently lingers above $75,000, a mere 53% shy of its supposed destiny. Burnett, ever the optimist, whispers of a great rotation of capital, a tidal wave poised to sweep Bitcoin to its rightful throne.

Orca, for those of you who don’t spend 12 hours a day doomscrolling crypto Twitter and arguing about Solana vs Ethereum, is one of the biggest decentralized exchanges on Solana, and now they’re launching new infrastructure aimed at bringing regulated real-world assets onchain. Because of course they are. Crypto firms are all currently pushing deeper into tokenized stocks, commodities and other traditional financial products, a market everyone in the space swears is the next big thing, which is exactly what they said about NFTs, and look how that turned out.

The protocol’s Arbitrum deployer key, as secure as a screen door on a submarine, was compromised. The attacker, with a grin wider than the Grand Canyon, minted 5.4 trillion fake Vote-Boosted sdCRV tokens-enough to make even the most seasoned farmer blush. Then, like a bandit fleeing a one-horse town, they swapped ’em for ether faster than you can say “smart contract.”

The Assistance Fund uses almost all (97%) of the fees generated by Hyperliquid to automatically buy back and remove HYPE tokens from circulation daily. As of May 2026, the Fund had spent over $1.3 billion on these buybacks, accumulating around 28.5 million tokens, which were worth $1.5 billion at their highest price.

For traders accustomed to on-chain leverage, this feels like waking up in a parallel universe. For asset managers, it’s just another Tuesday after spot BTC and ETH ETFs. But here’s the kicker: institutionalizing a perp DEX token requires more than just slapping a wrapper on it. It’s a playbook with pitfalls, and we’re here to navigate it-with a healthy dose of sarcasm, of course.

According to the scribes at crypto.news, Ethereum traded near $2,086 on Wednesday, clinging to the psychological $2,000 support like a drowning man to a raft. Weeks of sideways consolidation have left her weary, like a peasant after a long day in the fields, with no end in sight.

Bitcoin Japan invested in MicroStrategy through its U.S. subsidiary, BTCJPN US LLC. The investment was made using a specific financial vehicle managed by a U.S.-based investment firm, as detailed in a recent press release to crypto.news.