When Micron’s Fake Blockchain Stock Hit $100M, Even the Devil Asked for a Dividend

Last week, as Moscow’s chestnut trees were just beginning to split their sticky brown buds (at least the ones that hadn’t been torn up to make way for yet another parking garage for imported SUVs), a most un-Moscow sort of miracle took place on the crypto trading floors: a wisp of a tokenized phantom tied to Micron Technology, that chipmaker whose silicon brains power all the AI that’s supposed to soon outwrite Pushkin (spoiler: it can’t even spell ‘bloknot’ correctly, let alone compose a sonnet), rocketed past the $100 million market cap milestone like it was fleeing a crowd of angry prostitutes from the Arbat. Even Woland’s retinue, who know a thing or two about making money off human foolishness, raised an eyebrow at this one.

