Crypto Titans Unite: Anchorage Devours Securitize’s Wealth Unit-Will It Digest?

The deal, announced with the subtlety of a state decree, now binds Securitize For Advisors to Anchorage Digital’s apron strings. Financial terms? Naturally undisclosed-why burden the masses with numbers when propaganda suffices? This unit, a relic for registered investment advisors (RIAs), offers “tools” to dabble in digital assets, trading interfaces, and client portfolios-all within a “regulated framework,” i.e., a cage with a compliance officer as warden.

Why Bitcoin Might Flop Back to $10,000-And No One Will Be Surprised

Cast your mind back to 2020-a simpler time, when Bitcoin flirted flirtatiously near $10,000. Ah, yes, Michael Saylor and his ilk swooped in like the wealthy debutantes, buying in bulk and absorbing the supply like it was a fancy canapé at a gala. Their acquisitions made the price rise faster than expectations at a Wilde soirée, attracting more admirers-er, buyers-without needing fresh demand. Such a charming dance of supply and demand.

Crypto Collapse: AI Bubble Bursts, Jobs Vanish, and Bitcoin Weeps 😭

The CoinDesk 20 Index, that barometer of despair, fell 4.3%, its members united in their downward spiral. Traditional markets, too, joined the funeral procession, with the Nasdaq Composite shedding 2.6% on Monday. The AI bubble, that shiny mirage, may burst, and the jobs report looms like a hangman’s noose. The U.S. will reveal its labor wounds on Tuesday-brace yourselves. 🇺🇸

Will XRP Reach $2? Whales Panic, Institutions Feast! 🐋💸

Ah, the whales! Once proud custodians of 4.8 billion XRP, now reduced to mere 3.6 billion! 🚨 A “strategic retreat,” they claim, though history whispers, “This reeks of panic!” As Ali, the soothsayer of Sentiment, proclaims: When whales abandon ship, even the mightiest coin may sink. And sink it did-through $0.60’s crumbling gates, dragged down by the herd’s collective cold sweat.

Dogecoin’s Open Interest Takes a Nose Dive: Will It Bounce or Keep Falling? 😏

The data from Coinglass-like that one friend who’s always oversharing-reveals Dogecoin’s open interest has nose-dived from the $6.01 billion high it hit back on September 13, to a pitiful $1.8 billion. That’s roughly a 70% decline in just three months. Ah, the beauty of markets: one moment at the top of the world, the next rummaging through its pockets for loose change. The last time open interest was this low, it was April 2025, when everyone was busy declaring their allegiance to Trump’s tariffs. Coincidence? I think not.

Senate Stalls Crypto Bill, But Not Before 2026! 🚀

Chairman Tim Scott, a man of remarkable patience, has declared that the committee will “revisit” the bill when the stars align-or perhaps when the next election cycle demands it. 🌟 A spokesperson, with the enthusiasm of a man describing a tax audit, noted that “strong progress” has been made. Strong progress-a term that, in Washington, means “we’ve barely begun.” 🤝

Crypto Conundrum: UK Aims to Rule Them All✨🔒

According to a recent tome from the Financial Times, the FCA unfurled three papers like ancient scrolls on Tuesday, hopeful that these will weave their wisdom from the world of traditional finance into the tapestry of cryptocurrency, safeguarding unsophisticated investors against its idiosyncratic perils.