🚨 Your Crypto is Doomed! Ledger CTO Says Phones are Death Traps! 🚨

Turns out, nation-states are throwing money at zero-click vulnerabilities like they’re Black Friday deals. Why? To spy on high-value targets, of course! Diplomats, officials, and anyone else with a crypto wallet that’s fatter than a Thanksgiving turkey. 🦃💰 These hackers are using commercial spyware to compromise apps like Signal, WhatsApp, and Telegram. Once they’re in, your phone is basically their playground, and your crypto wallet? Just another slide in the park. 🎢

Klarna Launches KlarnaUSD Stablecoin to Cut Global Payment Costs

Now, hold your applause, because this isn’t just any stablecoin launch-oh no. Klarna is the first bank to venture into the brave new world of issuing a stablecoin on Tempo, a blockchain concoction by Stripe and Paradigm, designed specifically for payments. The reasoning? Well, it’s simple. Klarna sees the $120 billion in annual cross-border payment fees as a slightly unpleasant (and costly) side-effect of global commerce-and aims to reduce them. Bravo, Klarna, bravo! 🌍💰

Bitcoin’s Midlife Crisis: MVRV Z-Score Throws a Tantrum! 😱

In a post on X that was undoubtedly more dramatic than necessary, Glassnode analyst Chris Beamish (who clearly has too much time on his hands) has chronicled Bitcoin’s latest existential crisis through the lens of the MVRV Z-Score. This indicator, much like society’s judgment of one’s choice in waistcoats, compares Bitcoin’s market cap with its Realized Cap – which is essentially asking, “Darling, are you worth what you think you’re worth?”

Kiyosaki’s Doomsday Prediction: 📉💰

Robert Kiyosaki, the gentleman who penned that book everyone seemed to be reading on airplanes a decade ago, has once again declared the end is nigh. “Rich Dad Poor Dad,” still gathering dust on bookshelves everywhere, has apparently equipped him with the foresight to predict global financial ruin. A heavy burden, one imagines. He speaks, of course, of a crash. A big one. Historically big, even.

Worldcoin: Will It Bounce or Just…Exist? 🧐

The numbers they show, the “open interest,” well, it’s stuck tighter than a tick on a hound dog. Eighty-three point nine million to eighty-four point one million. No big surges, no panicked sell-offs. Just…nothin’. The price? Bouncin’ between fifty-nine cents and sixty-two. Feels like watchin’ paint dry, only the paint is digital and probably won’t actually chip.