Crypto news

But wait, the plot thickens! 📉 Now, esteemed experts predict this whimsical realm will balloon to a staggering $16 trillion by 2030. We can only hope the champagne flows as freely as the liquidity-or should I say, lack thereof? On September 3, the ever-so astute Tristero pointed out that RWA-squared products, like structured products and synthetics, might just make the whole system wobble like a tipsy dancer. They’ve laid the blame on dear oracles, underwhelming collateral rules, and frail compliance frameworks-leading us to a potential “on-chain subprime crisis.” Oh, the drama! 🎭

Remember when crypto was “quiet”? Yeah, neither do we. Q3 arrived like a toddler with a sugar rush: institutions are throwing money at Bitcoin like it’s a last-minute Christmas gift, regulators are *almost* trying (shock!), and everyone’s favorite altcoins are rallying harder than a college football team. Basically, it’s chaos. And we’re here for it.

On the daily chart, XRP is currently lounging at $2.83, while the Bollinger Bands’ midpoint is staging a yoga pose at $2.91. Normally, prices below average scream “weak sauce,” but here’s the twist: it’s actually a cosmic bargain! 🌌 The market is practically handing out XRP like free samples at a comet convention.

On a crisp Wednesday, Breeden took to a London conference stage to declare that central banks must sprint alongside global technological advancements-or risk being left behind like a forgotten umbrella at a train station. She painted a picture of a utopian monetary system: commercial bank deposits, stablecoins, and good old central bank money mingling freely, thanks to technology that promises faster, cheaper, and more innovative payments. All this, she assured, underpinned by trust in money itself. Trust! That elusive currency we all pretend to have but secretly doubt. 🤔💸

Apparently, back in 2023, someone thought it would be brilliant to roll out an automatic policy designed to “disable texting.” Because, who needs text messages when you can live in a 1990s voicemail world? This “poorly understood and automated” little gem managed to wipe out all those messages from Gensler’s government-issued phone. That’s right, poof-one year of probably very exciting regulatory chatter-*gone.*

Crypto.news is reporting SNX is currently at $0.66 – a full 9.5% drop in the last 7 days, and a seriously depressing 70% below where it started this year. Basically, it’s underperforming. A lot.

He’s all serious about this “cycle peak countdown” stuff, saying Bitcoin’s 95% cooked – bleeding through a typical Q3 shakeout, whatever that means. Is anyone else picturing a bull with a paper cut?

And who could forget the same firm’s recent escapade with $SSK, the Solana + staking ETF? Truly, they are the impresarios of this circus, expanding their repertoire into meme assets as though curating a gallery of modern art. Bloomberg analysts, ever the somber arbiters of sobriety, have noted that the filing appears effective under the 40 Act-a bureaucratic murmur that translates, roughly, to: “Prepare thy wallets, for $DOJE may grace us as early as next week.” 📊

ECB board member Piero Cipollone, with the patience of a saint explaining blockchain to a goldfish, assured the economic committee that this digital marvel would be “free” and “universally accepted”-because nothing says “trust us” like a government-backed cryptocurrency. 🙄

The whole charade is due to commence at 5:00 p.m. local time, and the effect has been… noticeable. As of this moment, EUL is up a rather giddy 34% from yesterday, chugging along at $13.02, though it’s been bouncing between $9.25 and $13.33, a bit like a particularly excitable ping-pong ball.