Behold, the SKR and FIGHT tokens, now etched into Coinbase’s ledger of “maybe tomorrow, maybe never.” Trading? Not yet. Deposits? A death sentence for your funds, should you dare. A warning so stern it makes a bear market seem like a Sunday stroll.
And get this-while the price of ETH is doing the crypto version of the Macarena (dropping faster than a lead balloon), Bitmine’s like, “Hold my beer.” Their total reserves? A whopping $14.5 billion, including $979 million in cash and $22 million in investments so risky they make a game of Russian roulette look like a tea party. Eightco Holdings, anyone? That’s right, they’re living on the edge, baby!
Grant Cardone’s Cardone Capital continues to grow its Bitcoin holdings by adding $10 million worth of Bitcoin. Because nothing says “financial genius” like buying more of something that’s currently as stable as a teapot in a hurricane.
A prominent trader, known by the moniker DeFi^2 (@DeFiSquared), who boasts of his prowess as the #1 ranked trader on Bybit in the years 2023 and 2024, has taken to the digital pulpit to decry what he perceives as a grave injustice. With a tone both sardonic and indignant, he proclaims, “I bring to light an alarming governance vote by World Liberty Fi this month, which appears to be the opening salvo in a slow, deliberate extraction of value from WLFI holders by the team.”
With the audacity of a tightrope walker, DePIN promises to do for hardware what Bitcoin did for currency: eliminate the middleman. A $12 billion market has sprouted, nourished by the siren song of lower costs and resilience. Yet, one cannot help but smirk at the spectacle of hobbyist servers and gaming PCs masquerading as enterprise-grade solutions. Are these the stalwart sentinels ready to shoulder the burdens of the corporate world? One wonders.
Our friends at Forward Industries, Inc. (NASDAQ: FWDI) have cheerfully updated us on their Solana treasury and some rather impressive operational milestones, boasting liquid holdings of over 6.97 million SOL as of January 15, 2026. A veritable fortune, I daresay!
By the time you’ve read this, Quant’s price has probably gone up 8%-if it hasn’t already, it’s probably just taking a coffee break. The move followed a decisive breakout above the 20-day and 50-day exponential moving averages, a technical shift that’s about as reliable as a toddler’s promise to clean their room.
The recent nosedive, which would make even the most seasoned rollercoaster enthusiast queasy, came amid a market so volatile it makes a soap opera look like a documentary. President Donald Trump, in a move that surprised absolutely no one, announced new tariffs on eight European Union countries. Because, you know, nothing says “economic stability” like a good old-fashioned trade war. This, naturally, sent risk assets into a tailspin, with Bitcoin (BTC) slipping below $95,000 and Ethereum (ETH) following suit. Pi Coin, never one to miss out on a good disaster, joined the party with enthusiasm.
In a classic case of ‘guess who’s coming to dinner,’ the attacker whisked away 1,299 ETH in one fell swoop. PeckShield, ever the nosy neighbor, confirms that our elusive villain was front-run by a savvy MEV builder, revealing the on-chain drama that unfolded.
The cause of this sudden reversal? None other than the trifling matter of diplomatic tensions over Greenland, renewed threats of trade tariffs (how tiresome!), and the news that Kevin Hassett, a policy dove of some note, is to remain in his current role rather than ascending to the lofty position of US Fed Chair. One can only imagine the consternation this must have caused in the drawing rooms of high finance.
