For the second time this week, the XRP derivatives market has revealed a number so shocking, it could make even the most stoic of gentlemen gasp. In a mere hour, the liquidation tracker displayed an imbalance of 101,445% between long and short positions. Naturally, the majority of this calamity befell the bullish side, as if fate itself had conspired against them.
Why, you ask? Well, my clever friends, this makes MetaMask the very first self-custodial wallet to perform such a marvelous trick! And no, we’re not talking about pulling a rabbit out of a hat – this is Ethereum’s enchanting magic at work! 🪄
In this age of digital intrigue, where fortunes are made and lost with the click of a mouse, Trezor users may now venture into the realm of decentralized applications with the utmost propriety. Fear not, dear reader, for their security remains paramount; each transaction must be confirmed with a physical gesture upon their Trezor device, ensuring private keys remain as guarded as a maiden’s reputation. 🕵️‍♀️
Our dear friends at StrategicETHReserve offer figures so dazzling, they could cause a minor swoon in the average financier: these holdings represent about 3.39% of the total circulating Ethereum supply, boldly announcing ETH’s latest audition as a long-term store of value alongside Bitcoin. Because nothing says “stability” like a digital asset that could vanish faster than a monocle at a boxing match. 🎩🔍
Shiba Inu, the canine coin with more drama than my last break-up, has enthusiastically followed the crypto crowd off the correction cliff-down by 9% this past week. Market cap is currently lurking around $7.3 billion-a tragic figure compared to last December’s flirtation with $20 billion (those were the good old days, eh?).
SEC Chair Paul Atkins (not exactly a household name unless you live for blockchain court dramas) has made it clear that fewer tokens will be called securities, which is basically the financial equivalent of telling your ex, “It’s not you, it’s… the SEC.” Cheers erupted because this could mean that Ripple’s epic lawsuit saga is finally wrapping up like a TV series everyone actually wants to watch.
This little mUSD is the brainchild of Bridge, a Stripe-owned stablecoin platform, and it’s living its best life on-chain thanks to M0, a decentralized infrastructure that’s basically the cool kid in the stablecoin liquidity playground. 🎢
Picture this: Ammous throws down the contrast-Bitcoin versus fiat-because what’s a good Argentine meltdown without a heroic duel? He claims Milei’s government promised to shut down the central bank but instead decided to throw gasoline on the fire by expanding their money supply and taxing everyone within reach while dramatically begging the IMF for a lifeline. If Bitcoin had a motto, it would be “Stop creating money”-a straightforward command that Argentine officials seem to have misunderstood as a suggestion. According to Ammous, after two years in office, Milei could’ve simply turned off the printing presses and cured inflation faster than you can say “hyperinflation.” But no, instead, they keep creating funny money, and somehow that’s supposed to look good?
We’re told that the madcap frenzy includes a spike in questions at wealth management firms, a rush of trading volume like a caffeine-fueled squirrel on a sugar high, and a dazzling demand for crypto funds that has some analysts wondering if the parties will ever end. Because if there’s one thing smart money loves, it’s jumping on bandwagons that are totally unsupervised and possibly haunted.