Bitcoin’s volatility has become the stuff of legends (and not the good kind). JPMorgan’s skepticism is perfectly in line with earlier reports that raised red flags about Bitcoin’s erratic behavior. As much as some Bitcoin fans would like to brand it as “digital gold,” its erratic performance just doesn’t pass the test. If you’ve been waiting for Bitcoin to act like gold, well, you might want to put your hopes on hold.
In their latest weekly communique, Glassnode waxes lyrical about this curious creature known as the Unrealized Loss. Now, for the uninitiated, this isn’t your garden-variety financial grief. It’s an indicator measuring the cumulative heartaches of Bitcoin addresses—the sum total of “my coin is worth less than when I bought it” sob stories.
We just introduced a new Solana proposal called Multiple Election Stake-Weight Aggregation (MESA) to reduce SOL inflation: a more market-based approach to agreeing on the rate of future SOL emissions.
If you’re counting, there’s been a modest net inflow of $15.85 million since Monday, which—if you’re feeling optimistic—means the week might end with more smiles than sighs.
On April 17, Arizona’s State Bill 1373, the *Strategic Digital Asset Reserve Bill*, took a major step toward becoming a law. How? By being given a thumbs-up in a preliminary House review. Talk about a smooth ride—almost like riding a horse at full gallop… if that horse was a blockchain-powered, decentralized cryptocurrency. 🐎💥
Backed by Ripple—the enigmatic folks who made the XRP Ledger (think of it as the magical book where XRP’s secrets are kept)—this fund promises to mirror XRP’s performance. XRP, by the way, isn’t just another crypto with a name that sounds like a sneeze; it’s renowned for zipping money across borders faster and cheaper than a caffeinated courier on a hoverboard.
But fear not, dear investors! The firm assures us that this is merely a minor hiccup in the grand saga of sUSD. After all, it has survived more bear markets than a wildlife documentary. “Synthetix and sUSD have weathered multiple bear markets and periods of stablecoin volatility; this is not the first resilience test,” a spokesperson from Synthetix told CryptoMoon, probably while sipping a martini. 🍸
And here’s the most delicious irony: despite the grim news, the almighty Binance still stood its ground. While the whole market spiraled downward—trading volumes fell by a staggering 12.5%—Binance managed to retain a semblance of dominance. One wonders if the company can truly savor such fleeting triumphs. Perhaps Trump’s inauguration set the mood for the crypto world, but now it is a world in which nothing makes sense and everything is falling apart. How terribly amusing.
Like a cryptic oracle with a Twitter habit, Dr Altcoin has dropped a truth bomb: Banxa is spawning new accounts like rabbits, each clutching a tiny stash of exactly 0.98 Pi Coin (because round numbers are so passé). Picture a suspicious swarm of mini-Pi wallets, all coordinated like they rehearsed this dance in a secret crypto cult.
Our analyst draws one’s attention to a symmetrical triangle forming on the four-hourly canvas, like a gathering of uncertain villagers edging closer, debating if tomorrow will be sun or storm. Since April 8th, Dogecoin has tiptoed within this shape, bouncing occasionally on its lower borders. This triangle, far from a dizzy twister, exudes a silent tension—quiet as a cat’s stare before the leap, or the moment before an aunt’s scandal will be whispered at the dinner table. The longer this hesitation lasts, the greater the promise of an eventual breakout to shake the market’s drawing rooms. Should it rouse, we might witness the dawn of a rally worth telling stories about.
