Crypto Futures Never Sleep: Coinbase Unleashes 24/7 Bitcoin & Ethereum Trading!

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Coinbase Derivatives, possibly in a fit of insomnia, has just tossed open the doors for 24/7 futures trading on Bitcoin and Ethereum. That sound you hear is the collective sigh of relief from traders who never liked the outdoors anyway. This feat makes Coinbase the first CFTC-regulated exchange to offer leveraged futures contracts at any time — yes, even during those mysterious hours previously reserved for sleeping and existential crises. ⏰🪙

To keep the wheels spinning endlessly (and hopefully not flinging off into the void), Coinbase has roped in several partners, whom we can only imagine are considerably well-caffeinated, to maintain performance and reliability. Perpetual futures contracts for BTC and ETH are ‘coming soon.’ Think of it as Schrödinger’s contract: it both exists and doesn’t, depending on press releases.

Coinbase’s 24/7 Futures Trading

Yesterday, in a move about as subtle as a dragon in a pantry, Coinbase declared its intent to conquer more of the derivatives market. Blink, and they’d already done it. As further proof that timelines are purely decorative, Coinbase purchased Deribit — the world’s largest crypto derivatives exchange — for $2.9 billion. (That’s a lot of bananas, even by Discworld standards.) 🍌🧾

You’d think a disappointing Q1 earnings report would slow things down, but no. Coinbase, being an optimistic sort of institution, is now pointing out Q2 opportunities in the futures market like a salesman with a new batch of snake oil.

One day later (perhaps running on nothing but espresso and ambition), Coinbase went ahead and launched twenty-four-seven trading for Bitcoin and Ethereum futures. They claim this will help them mimic the ceaseless, relentless pace of crypto trading, which never pauses — much like a narrative thread in a Pratchett novel.

“The arrival of 24/7 CFTC-regulated markets is a game-changer for the industry. Coinbase Financial Markets is thrilled to be able to provide seamless, around-the-clock access to futures trading, empowering our customers to trade anytime,” declared CEO Andy Sears, who may not have slept since the announcement.

Coinbase appears particularly chuffed about its CFTC-regulated status; recently, it even managed to win the Commission’s approval for some XRP futures instead of just the usual polite regulatory head-shakes. This, considering Coinbase’s previous adventures with regulatory agencies, is almost miraculous — or at least a statistical anomaly.

If all of this seems a tad short on detail, that’s probably because it is. The press release contains about as much granularity as a wizard trying to explain quantum mechanics to a rock. Still, the gist is clear: futures trading is now always-on, and FOMO is officially a chronic condition.

“This is just the beginning,” Coinbase insists, perhaps ominously — as its actual aim is to roll out those elusive BTC/ETH perpetual futures contracts. For now, you’ll just have to content yourself with the sort of futures that do, in fact, have futures. 🪄

To help keep the entire endeavour from collapsing in a heap, Coinbase has conscripted Nodal Clear (a clearing house), Virtu Financial (a market maker), and two Futures Commission Merchants, who presumably spend every waking hour tending to the machinery. Here’s hoping the combined infrastructure can stand up to the torrent of on-all-the-time trading requests, market surges, and the occasional irate troll.

With sufficient resources, plenty of partners, and a market that never sleeps, it looks like Coinbase is set to expand faster than was considered polite. Good luck to them, and may your trading be slightly less stressful than an appointment with DEATH himself. 🕰️💀

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2025-05-09 22:04