Governments That Secretly Hoard Bitcoin Like Your Dad Hoards Beanie Babies

Bitcoin ownership by country 2025

Apparently, somewhere out there, 463,000 BTC are lounging in secret government wallets. That’s 2.3% of all Bitcoin — or, as governments like to call it, “Friday night pizza money,” except it’s tens of billions of dollars. 🍕💸

Two countries are obvious Bitcoin bosses, and spoiler alert — if you thought Liechtenstein was about to make this section spicy, think again.

The United States

Step aside, Satoshi. The US government is basically Crypto’s Batman, dropping in on dark web baddies, hoarding nearly 200,000 BTC after various high-profile seizures. In 2025, that hoard is worth so much, it could fund every Nicolas Cage movie ever, with leftovers for Vegas.

The twist? Instead of auctioning it off like cheap storage unit contents, President Trump (yep, again) made the “Strategic Bitcoin Reserve.” Forget gold — America’s now stacking digital coins like kid’s lunchables.

China

Mainland China, where transparency goes to die, might have over 190,000 BTC, thanks to busting the infamous PlusToken scam. Is it all still in a government wallet? Or did someone’s nephew “accidentally” sell half on vacation? The world may never know.

Despite the country’s “no fun allowed” policy on Bitcoin trading and mining, China is, let’s be honest, still crushing the silent accumulation game.

If you’ve made it this far, congrats — you already know more than most lawmakers.

Now, let’s talk about countries quietly gobbling up Bitcoin while everyone’s looking at the US and China. You know, the ones you’d never suspect — like the quiet kid in class who turns out to own ten yachts.

Did you know? North Korea’s Lazarus Group may be evil hackers, but they’re also Bitcoin whales. Reportedly, they snagged over 14,000 BTC before throwing more than $1 billion on the market in 2025. You can’t make this stuff up.

Bhutan: The hydropower-fueled accumulator

Bhutan: Home of dragons, happiness surveys, and — surprise! — a national Bitcoin stash big enough to buy Australia’s supply of Vegemite.

Since 2019, the kingdom’s Druk Holding & Investments (DHI) has been quietly mining Bitcoin with its surplus hydropower. Cool weather, cheap electricity, no reality TV distractions — it’s basically the perfect Bitcoin bunker.

By 2025, Bhutan’s hoard is reportedly 12,000-13,000 BTC — up to $1.3 billion for a nation barely cracking $3 billion GDP. Bitcoin isn’t just part of the economy; it’s like the guy at karaoke hogging the mic the whole night.

• It’s green: Hydropower means zero angry Greta Thunbergs at their door.
• It’s smart economics: Turn waterfalls into Bitcoin instead of selling electricity for couch change.
• It’s run like a Bond villain lair: DHI manages it, minus the sharks with lasers.

No need to raid darknet marketplaces when you have waterfalls and patience. Bhutan’s move is the “quiet quitting” of Bitcoin geopolitics — but with way more stacks.

United Kingdom: Seizures and strategic decisions

The UK is usually as exciting as plain toast when it comes to crypto, but now they’re sitting on 61,000 BTC thanks to a money laundering case. Not bad for a country still debating if beans belong on toast.

Metropolitan Police and the Crown Prosecution Service have this digital loot locked up. Instead of auctioning, the CPS wants to keep it — for “just in case something fun happens.” It’s like finding an extra donut in the box and not telling your coworkers.

No big national reserve yet, but if the UK decides to hodl, they’ll be crypto royalty right alongside the US, China, and the UAE (if we ever find proof they actually have any BTC).

Whatever Britain decides, they’re now accidentally part of the plot twist in Bitcoin’s global drama. Someone get the Queen a ledger wallet!

Ukraine: A digital war chest

Ukraine didn’t just join Bitcoin — they used it for survival. When your fundraising strategy is “Accept BTC,” you know you’re living in 2025.

Thanks to generous Twitter rando donations and DAO crowdfunding, Ukraine received more than $70 million in Bitcoin for defense and relief during the war. By 2025, there’s only 186 BTC left in the official wallet, because guess what? Wars cost money, and those Javelins don’t pay for themselves.

This isn’t “nation accumulating reserves,” it’s “our wallet is empty — please reload.” If Satoshi were watching, he’d be equally proud and stressed.

Did you know? Crypto doesn’t pick sides. Over $4 million in digital donations also flowed to pro-Russian paramilitaries and militias. That’s one way to keep things fair…?

El Salvador: The bold legal-tender experiment

El Salvador’s president turned Bitcoin into legal tender in 2021. Crypto bros cheered, IMF grumbled, and nerds everywhere dreamt of buying pupusas with Satoshis. It’s the Silicon Valley fever dream, somewhere warm and with better coffee.

By 2025, the country’s stacked over 6,000 BTC, buying one a day like it’s a gym routine. The “Volcano Bonds” were hotter than the local lava. There’s even a National Bitcoin Office. That’s right, they have more Bitcoin offices than Starbucks.

But plot twist: Bitcoin lost legal tender status after IMF threw a $1.4 billion carrot at El Salvador’s national debt. Now, nobody has to accept BTC — but the government keeps buying. This is the crypto version of “we broke up but still text every day.”

Iran: Quietly turning Bitcoin into state reserves

Iran doesn’t brag about its Bitcoin, but it’s doing the state-sponsored mining thing like a quiet overachiever. Miners have to sell their coin straight to the Central Bank, converting electrons into import dollars with maximum deniability.

Exact numbers? Good luck. Estimates pin Iran’s mining at up to 7% of global hash power, but official figures are guarded like the Colonel’s secret recipe (but with more embargoes). There’s an entire black-market shadow sector too — because where there are sanctions, there’s a way.

Let’s put it this way: If Bitcoin were sand, Iran could probably build a pretty tall castle by now.

Rumored and emerging players: The countries quietly stacking Bitcoin

The Bitcoin rich list has its urban legends. Here’s the hall of fame for “maybe but probably not but what if.”

United Arab Emirates (UAE)

Crypto rumor mill says the UAE is quietly sitting on a monstrous 420,000 BTC after busting every Ponzi scheme west of Mars. No confirmed wallets, nada from the government. Maybe those coins actually live on Mars. Maybe not.

Bulgaria

Bulgaria allegedly seized 200,000 BTC back in the day, briefly becoming what the cool kids call a “Bitcoin whale.” Then the trail goes cold. Did they lose the seed phrase? Or sell at the 2018 bottom? The world swoons at this mystery.

Other smaller players

• Finland: ~90 BTC, could buy Finland’s annual licorice supply
• Georgia: 66 BTC, not enough to impress their wine industry
• Venezuela: 240 BTC, likely from confiscating miscellaneous crypto nonsense

Together, that’s enough for grand gestures — or a heck of a silent disco at the next G20.

Did you know? Even CoinGecko puts Germany and Hong Kong high on the speculative list. If blockchain is Bitcoin’s family tree, that’s a lot of weird cousins suddenly showing up for Christmas.

Why quiet Bitcoin accumulation matters

No need to blast airhorns — you can join the Bitcoin party in total silence. 🎉🤫

Some countries wear their Bitcoin bag like a championship belt. Others quietly DCA with the lights off. The point: Stuffing your digital piggy bank with BTC is the new black.

In one corner, Bhutan’s literally using waterfalls to stack SATs. Across the room, Iran is ghost-mining its way out of sanctions. Even the US, which used to auction seized coins like Oprah with cars, is now accumulating for a rainy (or rainy-crypto) day.

Is it risky? Of course. Could traditional bankers clutch even more pearls? Obviously. But Bitcoin is now a key player in the geopolitical game — whether anyone likes it or not.

Bottom line: If your country isn’t quietly stacking Bitcoin by now, it’ll soon be that awkward kid at lunch without any Pokémon cards. 🙃