With the unflagging zeal of a bishop at a bake sale, Japan’s Metaplanet, having observed Michael Saylor’s crusade for digital salvation, dusted off its metaphorical monocle and announced a further foray into the known folly of Bitcoin—a substance of fascination for the new plutocracy, and, no doubt, a cause of infinite perplexity to their long-suffering accountants. How many Bitcoins in a yen? Don’t ask, just keep buying.
Metaplanet Adds a Modest 555 Bitcoins—Collectors’ Edition
Not to be outshone by Strategy’s lavish acquisition announcements ($1.4 billion here, $180 million there, one begins to lose count), Metaplanet quietly scooped up 555 additional Bitcoins. If these numbers sound suspiciously symmetrical to you—congratulations, you’re paying attention. The total bill reportedly reached $53.7 million at an average of $90,431 per Bitcoin—a price only slightly less dizzying than the yen-to-pound exchange rate during a particularly rowdy Bank of England intervention.
Our chroniclers of the X platform—a habitat for gossips and faux-oracles—report these sums with the giddy enthusiasm of sports commentators.
And where does a respectable Japanese conglomerate purchase such mystical tokens, you ask? Why, on platforms called bitFlyer and QCP Capital, of course. What could possibly go wrong?
Metaplanet (@Metaplanet_JP) bought another 555 $BTC ($53.7M) at $96,768.
Metaplanet currently holds 5,555 $BTC ($536.38M), with an average buying price of $90,431. 🧐🍣
— Lookonchain (@lookonchain) May 7, 2025
Metaplanet, fanned on by the approving ghost of Saylor, boldly announced not only their purchase, but a new plan to raise yet more funds for more Bitcoin. How? With $25 million in 0% ordinary bonds. “0%,” you ask? Quite. One must admire the audacity of offering nothing in exchange for one’s money, except perhaps a promise and the mild warmth of being “part of something.” The echo of Saylor’s grand vision lingers, as Strategy preps a modest $84 billion war chest for their next digital adventure. 🤡💰
*Metaplanet Issues 25 Million USD in 0% Ordinary Bonds to Purchase Additional $BTC* 🪙🎩
— Metaplanet Inc. (@Metaplanet_JP) May 7, 2025
BlackRock: Anything You Can Hoard, We Can Hoard Better
In what can only be described as the financial equivalent of a phalanx forming on an over-manicured lawn, BlackRock—the fund-management Goliath—has amassed a staggering 41,452 Bitcoins through its ETF, iShares Bitcoin Trust (IBIT). That’s roughly $3.92 billion, or, if you prefer, enough to buy half of Westminster Abbey and a small kingdom in the Pacific, with enough left over for a fresh cravat.
IBIT’s holdings clock in at 614,639 BTC ($58.07 billion), deftly leapfrogging Strategy’s paltry 555,450 BTC ($38 billion). On May 6th alone, IBIT welcomed an additional 5,613 Bitcoins, a sum most people only see quoted on dubious startup prospectuses.
VanEck’s ETF meanwhile, saw “zero inflows”—not even a sympathy Bitcoin. Others hemorrhaged their digital treasure; Fidelity bid farewell to 611 BTC and Bitwise found itself 239 BTC lighter by teatime. As of the latest market twitch, Bitcoin swanned to $96,930, up 2.9%. Not bad for a Tuesday, as the lords of finance clink glasses and plot their next foray into the realm of crypto-absurdity. 🥂🤑
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2025-05-07 11:14