Picture, if you will, the indefatigable Michael Saylor—doyen of deadpan and, apparently, digital doubloons—once more galloping forth on a fresh Bitcoin (BTC) crusade. The firm, now called Strategy (brevity is the soul of corporate rebranding, what?), continues its irresistible urge to scoop up BTC in a fashion reminiscent of an aunt at a bric-a-brac sale grabbing ornamental teaspoons. 🥄
Word straight from Saylor (who must surely dream in blockchain): the world’s most formidable corporate Bitcoin collector is at it again—gulping down digital assets as if they were canapés at a country club soirée.
“MSTR has acquired 3,459 BTC for a paltry $285.8 million at the gentleman’s price of ~$82,618 per Bitcoin, and is now boasting a Bitcoin yield of 11.4% YTD 2025. As of 4/13/2025, Strategy lounges atop a mound of 531,644 BTC, for which they heroically parted with about $35.92 billion—or thereabouts, if one’s pockets are particularly deep.”
Is this the first wild ride on the crypto steeplechase for ol’ Strategy in 2025? Good heavens, no! The New Year saw them itching to bag more Bitcoin, presumably for the simple joys of watching their portfolio chart bounce like a kangaroo on espresso.
Back then, the firm hinted at a capital raising plan for Q1, depending, of course, on such variables as market sentiment, lunar phase, and whether the board members had had their coffee that morning.
“The overarching purpose,” someone with a long title intoned, “is to further embolden MicroStrategy’s balance sheet and amass even more Bitcoin. We might run our offering in Q1 2025—if, you know, the winds are fair and the stars align.”
“We reserve the right to chicken out at the last minute should the market look peaky, or if we simply get bored. Perhaps we’ll raise capital. Perhaps we’ll retire to the lounge and have a think instead.”
February brought news of an extravagant stock offering, intended, one gathers, to fill the coffers for yet more BTC—because one simply can’t have enough crypto nest eggs. 🙄
And as if that weren’t enough excitement for one calendar year, last month dear Saylor announced the sale of $21 billion in preferred STRK stock—all in service of cosmic coin hoarding. If ever there was a chap who could make digital asset acquisition sound like an Olympic sport, it’s him. 🥇
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2025-04-16 01:02