Michael Saylor Buys More Bitcoin Than Your Aunt Buys Cat Figurines – Find Out How Much!

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Michael Saylor’s Strategy, which is more obsessed with Bitcoin than a Discworld wizard is with his hat, decided to stuff its vast digital stockings once again as the price had a sudden existential crisis and slipped below $108,000 last week. There was much gnashing of teeth in crypto forums, and possibly the gnashing of a few keyboards.

In a bold move that suggests someone at Strategy has access to magical spreadsheets, the company snapped up 4,048 Bitcoin (BTC) for a wallet-busting $449.3 million between Aug. 25 and Sept. 1, as revealed in a US Securities and Exchange Commission filing (which, for some reason, never includes footnotes about orangutans). 🦧

Strategy’s most recent BTC binge was cooked up at an average price of $110,981 per coin, with Bitcoin itself doing its best impression of Rincewind running in circles-bouncing above $113,000, then tripping over its shoelaces and tumbling below $108,000 last Friday, according to CoinGecko, which must employ a full-time team of goblins to keep track.

Now, thanks to the sort of accounting magic that would make the Patrician proud, Strategy’s total Bitcoin hoard stands at a jaw-dropping 636,505 BTC, bought for the princely sum of about $46.95 billion-averaging out to $73,765 per coin, which is rather a lot of Ankh-Morpork dollars, and even more in cabbages. 🥬

Strategy’s August buys net 7,714 BTC (and possibly a headache)

This latest Bitcoin gobble extends a routine of regular, if not exactly subtle, snack-sized buys in August. Last week’s 3,081 BTC purchase was already raising eyebrows (and blood pressure), while earlier August added another 430 BTC and a sprightly dash of 155 BTC for good measure. That’s more coins than there are ‘H’s in “Khazad-dûm”.

All told, the company accrued 7,714 BTC in August-down quite a bit from the 31,466 BTC they got in July, perhaps because their money-bins needed time to refill or they ran out of suitable magic runes.

And lest you think Strategy performed actual sorcery, the purchases came courtesy of the STRF ATM, STRK ATM, STRD ATM, and MSTR ATM, which surely must confuse any Discworld banker. (No word yet if you get a free sausage-in-a-bun for your deposit.)

This tale is still evolving, rather like the plot of an Unseen University committee meeting, so stand by for more updates as and when someone feels like lobbing fresh numbers at the Ledger of Destiny. 🧙‍♂️

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2025-09-02 15:48