Missouri’s Tax-Free Crypto Bonanza: Will Bitcoiners Flock to the Show-Me State?

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Ah, Missouri—land of rolling plains, riverboats, and now, apparently, tax shelters for digital buccaneers! The Show-Me State is on the verge of doing something so bold, so daring, that even the ghosts of Wall Street titans are perking up in their pinstripes. No, it’s not legalizing Prohibition-era gin joints (a tragedy, truly), but something far more avant-garde: chucking out capital gains tax on crypto like last year’s bow ties. 🍸💸

By jove, the legislation to drop the capital gains tax for plebs and patricians alike has cleared the gauntlet of lawmaking and now flutters nervously atop Governor Kehoe’s desk, awaiting a signature and presumably a bit of confetti. The Republican governor, star of stage, screen and, apparently, legislative reform, is rather keen on this performance! Curtain up, Missouri! 🎭

A Renaissance for Tech-Savvy Missourians—or Just for the Rich?

For those uninitiated in the arcane world of asset-chasing, capital gains tax is that stuffy fee one must pay when making a profit from selling things that aren’t stuck to the floor—crypto included. The federals, in their infinite wisdom, tax long-term profits at a slightly less extortionate rate than, say, the inheritance from your Great Aunt Maud. Alas, Missouri, never one to do anything by halves, has been charging the same rate as income. How dreary!

Now, with the tax soon to be banished, the state could become Shangri-La for every crypto enthusiast with a penchant for frequent trading, blockchain machinations, and, perhaps, a dazzling waistcoat. Investors are humming, blockchains are buzzing, and somewhere, a get-rich-quick YouTube influencer is already Googling “best Missouri cities with WiFi.”

Champions of the move—those prophets of progress—swear up and down that economic vitality is sure to follow, champagne will flow, and everyone from traditional stock traders to NFT collectors will want to call Missouri home. As American Legislative Exchange Council’s Jonathan Williams chirps, taxation only makes the splendidly wealthy get cold feet—and digitize their fortunes elsewhere. Out with the starchy taxes! In with the speculative intrigue! 🕺

Speaker Pro Tem Chad Perkins, never one to miss a rhetorical flourish, waved the flag for blockchain technocrats, while Senator Curtis Trent, patron of the bill, mourned the state’s former lack of competitive sparkle. Apparently taxes, like bad musicals, keep the cool crowd away.

But, Darling, What About the Little People?

Of course, every bright new morning comes with a bit of rain—or at least, a Bank of England drizzle. Critics, clutching their pearls, point out that this windfall shall pour champagne profits into the goblets of the already-rich, leaving the working classes with nary a drop. 🍾

The US Treasury, wielding statistics like a sharp stick, notes that posh families are the ones who actually see capital gains. Translation: Missouri’s largesse may turn out to be a private party, and your invitation was lost in the post. The Missouri Budget Project says a whopping 80% of the cuts will enrobe the pockets of the top 5%—an exclusive soirée if ever there was one.

The damages? Well, researchers—including those wearing the green eye-shades—estimate the state could lose between $262 million and $600 million every year, which is enough to buy several minor European principalities, or perhaps patch up a pothole or two.

Economists remain furrowed of brow, mumbling about public services and infrastructure woes, even as the crypto crowd tries on their finest top hats for the coming windfall. Will Missouri become a fiscal utopia or simply another cautionary tale told over brandy and schadenfreude? Time—and perhaps a few blockchain entries—will tell. 😉

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2025-05-09 10:49