Trump, Tether, and the Crypto Apocalypse: What’s Next? 🤔

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Ah, the election of Donald Trump—supposedly the dawn of a crypto utopia. Yet, here we are, trudging through the muck of the worst quarter since the FTX collapse. The stars of regulation may be aligning, but the crypto industry is still nursing its wounds, like a bear after a particularly harsh winter. 🐻

Bitcoin and Ether? Their worst Q1 in seven years. Market sentiment? Lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut. And Coinbase stock? Let’s just say it’s been a while since it’s seen such a sell-off. But fear not, dear investor, for the first quarter is behind us, and the future holds the promise of Spring seasonality, Trump’s tariff policy, and the ever-shifting winds of the Federal Reserve. 🌬️

Coinbase Stock: A Tale of Woe and Resilience

Coinbase, the bellwether of the crypto world, took a 33% nosedive in Q1. Strong fundamentals? Solid revenue outlook? Who cares! The market, in its infinite wisdom, decided to punish it anyway. Trump’s tariff war, volatile digital asset prices, and tightening financial conditions all played their part in this tragicomedy. Yet, amidst the chaos, Coinbase is thriving. Revenues more than doubled, reaching $6.6 billion, and adjusted earnings hit $3.3 billion. Not bad for a company supposedly on the ropes. 🥊

The Trumps Double Down on Bitcoin Mining

While the rest of the world panics, the Trump family is doubling down on crypto. Eric and Donald Jr. have thrown their weight behind American Bitcoin, a new mining venture. The goal? To become the world’s largest, most efficient Bitcoin miner. Because, of course, the Trumps wouldn’t settle for anything less. 🏆

And let’s not forget their DeFi project, World Liberty Financial, which boasts a portfolio of digital assets that would make any crypto enthusiast green with envy. Ether, Wrapped Bitcoin, Aave, Chainlink—you name it, they’ve got it. 🤑

Tether’s Bitcoin Bonanza

Tether, the stablecoin giant, has been busy stacking Bitcoin. 8,888 BTC, to be exact, bringing their total holdings to a staggering 100,521 BTC. That’s roughly $8.7 billion, in case you were wondering. All this, thanks to their highly profitable stablecoin operations and a mountain of interest-bearing US Treasury bonds. 💰

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2025-04-04 23:07