🚨 Gold Bug’s Retail Nightmare: Why Your Favorite Stores Might Vanish Forever 😱

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Dear Diary: Today I learned that our shopping malls might soon look like those abandoned Blockbuster stores where teenagers now go to vape and make TikToks. 🏪 💨

My favorite doom-and-gloom economist Peter Schiff (imagine a more pessimistic Eeyore with an economics degree) just dropped the kind of prediction that makes apocalypse preppers look like optimists. He’s basically the party pooper at America’s economic kegger. 🎉❌

So apparently, Trump’s tariffs (because nothing says “Make America Great Again” like making everything more expensive) are about to turn retail stores into ghost towns. It’s like Black Friday in reverse – instead of people rushing in, everyone’s rushing out. 🏃‍♀️💨

“If Trump’s tariffs stay in place, there will be a wave of retail bankruptcies.”
(Translation: Your local mall might become the world’s largest indoor skateboarding venue) 🛹

Picture this: Empty stores, unemployed mannequins, and commercial landlords crying into their luxury coffee while banks collect dust instead of loan payments. It’s like a zombie apocalypse, but instead of zombies, we get “Going Out of Business” signs. 🧟‍♂️

But wait, it gets better! Schiff explains that prices will rise more than the tariffs because retailers need to cover fixed costs on lower sales. It’s like paying more for less – the exact opposite of a Costco membership. And apparently, this is winning! 🏆 (Spoiler alert: It’s not)

“Even a 50% drop isn’t enough.” (Because nothing says ‘economic analysis’ like channeling your inner Chicken Little) 🐔

In conclusion, Schiff thinks Trump’s tariffs are about as helpful as a chocolate teapot. But hey, at least we’ll all have plenty of empty parking lots for our “The Economy Is Dead” parties! 🎈🪦

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2025-04-09 03:57