You Won’t Believe How Much Crypto Trump’s Sons Dug Up—Even Chekhov Would Raise an Eyebrow

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Outside, winter lingered; the snow was deep, about the height of three government reports stacked atop each other. Inside, President Trump sat at his desk, counting—always counting. This season, the coins weren’t silver rubles or gold ducats, but the mysterious digital droplets known as ‘crypto.’ They made a whirring sound, if one listened closely enough, and no one quite knew what they were worth, not even the Office of Government Ethics, whose job it was to look sternly at such things.

From the far-off land of New York (where, it is said, the bankers never sleep and politicians rarely do either) came reports of Trump’s participation in an affair muckier than Uncle Vanya’s boots. Over $57 million slipped gently into his accounts thanks to World Liberty Financial—a contraption devised last year by three Trump sons and several particularly energetic cousins (or were those lawyers? Who can say?). Their reasoning: the banks, like the weather, had become unfriendly, and something new was needed. Thus, they made WLFI, a “decentralized finance platform,” which is impressive if you say it quickly and don’t ask questions.

“My dear friends,” Trump Jr. might have intoned over samovar tea, “once, if I called a banker in New York, they would leap to catch my hand as if it were the last blini at breakfast. Now, I call, and all I hear is the whistling wind.” Life is cruel and the world, sometimes, even more so.

Elsewhere, the records showed Trump’s crypto purse swelling from one to five million (call it inflation or just hope), while his name and picture continued their own quiet travels across mugs, t-shirts, and perhaps the odd set of nesting dolls. Royalties made their way back, a slow, persistent drip, like the roof of an old estate.

But what is fortune without its own particular agonies? Mortgages, lawsuits—more numerous than birch trees—and even credit card bills, accumulating in the dark like unwanted guests at a family estate. It is enough to elicit a sigh and perhaps, for those watching from comfortable chairs, a hearty laugh. Ah, to be rich, to be Trump, to be burdened with so many digital wallets and so few friends willing to pick up the phone! 😂🔑

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2025-06-15 20:01