Lo and behold! Bitmine Immersion, that intrepid band of digital prospectors, has once again thrust its grubby hands into the crypto-coffer, emerging with a staggering 78,791 ETH-enough to make even the most stoic squirrel weep into its acorn stash. This brings their total to a positively vulgar 1.8 million ETH. One wonders if they’ve mistaken a blockchain for a treasure chest 🏴☠️.
- Bitmine splurged $354.6 million on 78,791 ETH-because why not spend a third of a billion dollars on digital tulips? Total holdings now hover at 1,792,960 ETH, worth a cool $8 billion. 🚀💸
- Their goal? To hoard 5% of Ethereum’s supply. Because nothing says “moderation” like cornering the market on a decentralized asset. 🎩🐇
- Tom Lee, the financial world’s resident Cassandra, now prophesies ETH could hit $5,500-or $16,000 if the moon aligns. 🌕💸
- They pivoted from Bitcoin to Ethereum in June, backed by $250M. A bold move, akin to swapping a sturdy ox for a caffeinated hummingbird. 🐂➡️🐦
Bitmine’s latest acquisition is less a business strategy and more a fever dream of a gold rush, this time for pixels. For $354.6 million, they’ve amassed 1.8 million ETH-a sum so vast it could fund a small nation’s espresso addiction. 🧋 At $4,400 per ETH, their stash is valued at over $8 billion, which Tom Lee insists could balloon to $16,000 by year’s end. One assumes he’s consulted a crystal ball, or perhaps a very persuasive astrologer. 🔮
This isn’t a pivot-it’s a full-body cartwheel into Ethereum’s arms. In late June, Bitmine declared their love affair with ETH, raising $250 million to fuel the romance. The result? A 3,000% stock surge, which is either genius or a glitch in the matrix. 🕳️💸
Bitmine: The Great ETH Treasury Circus
Bitmine’s obsession mirrors the institutional world’s sudden crush on Ethereum, a stark contrast to the last cycle when ETH was the wallflower at the blockchain ball. Now, they’re all waltzing with ETH, while Bitcoin sulks in the corner, muttering about “being the original.” 💔₿️➡️🔥ETH
Joining Bitmine in this circus are SharpLink Gaming and BTCS Inc., who’ve also traded their Bitcoin monocles for Ethereum monocles. Analysts claim these “ETH treasury stocks” outshine ETFs, offering “operational flexibility” and capital structures that defy the laws of physics. 🤹♂️
This here is a screenshot of progress-or perhaps a glitch in the simulation. A chart so dramatic it could make a soap opera blush. 📈🎭
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2025-08-29 16:50