Charles Hoskinson, the sorcerer of Cardano, emerged from the misty peaks of Colorado last week 🏔️🔮, clutching his crystal ball and declaring to trembling crypto mortals: “Do not sell, ye paper-handed fools, lest you doom humanity to a dystopia of fiat tyranny!” 🚨💸 Amid a “trillion-dollar tantrum” 🧨💸 (his words, not mine), he calmly compared himself to a stoic philosopher on a rollercoaster of despair, reading Dostoevsky while the masses scream. 🎢📚
“Behold the eternal cycle!” he cackled, waving a chart of Bitcoin’s mood swings like a mad conductor. 🎼📉 “Up they go, down they plunge, and lo! The sheeple panic-sell! How delightfully predictable!” He dismissed fiat as the currency of “a bankrupt circus run by clowns in pinstripes” 🤡🎪, adding that fleeing to dollars is like trading your soul for a used car. 🚗💨
Cardano’s Wizard Foretells 1 Billion Users-By 2030, Obviously
With the gravitas of a prophet on Mount Olympus, Hoskinson proclaimed that crypto is the “exit door to a saner universe” 🚪✨, where 1 billion souls will soon dwell by 2030. Skeptics gasped-how? “Easy,” he shrugged. “The stock market will collapse into our laps like a ripe apple. 🍎📈 Just ask the blockchain!”
Critics called his vision “delusionally grandiose.” He responded by calling critics “Stockholm syndrome victims” 🤯⛓️, enslaved by “a Ponzi scheme dressed as a central bank.” 🎰🃏 “You cling to fiat like a drunkard to a lamppost,” he sneered, “while we build a tower of Babel made of blockchain! 🌐🧱”
On-chain governance, he insisted, is the only path to “truth, justice, and the American DAO.” 🦸♂️📊 “Your elections? Fraudulent! Your corporations? Corrupt! Your privacy? A myth! 🕵️♂️🚫 But fear not! Cardano’s Midnight sidechain shall cloak your secrets like a vampire’s cape!” 🧛♂️🔐
As for the doubters? “Retire? Ha!” he barked. “I’ll keep preaching crypto until the last fiat bill turns to confetti. 🔥💸 Hold the line, comrades-or prepare to live under the boot of a surveillance state!” 👢👁️
At press time, Cardano traded at $0.49, a price so symbolic it could’ve been plucked from a Kafka novel. 🐞📚
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2025-11-17 10:49