Trump: Iran Collapsing! Strait Drama, Oil Mayhem, Bitcoin Descent!

by

Behold, the mighty Donald J. Trump, conductor of the chaos train, declared on his personal soapbox, Truth Social, that Iran has “just informed us” they’ve entered a “State of Collapse.” One might think this is the plot of a low-budget Hollywood film, but no-it’s just another Tuesday in the Middle East! Or is it a Mel Brooks’ Silent Movie reimagined as a geopolitical thriller?

Trump then casually mentioned Iran wants to reopen the Strait of Hormuz “ASAP” while they “figure out their leadership situation.” Imagine! A country trying to sort out who’s in charge while the rest of us try to sort out why oil prices are doing the cha-cha. It’s like watching a reality show where everyone’s eliminated in the first episode!

Oil prices, ever the drama queen, soared above $100 per barrel today-a number that used to make people blush. Just 11 days ago, USOIL was flirting with $80, thanks to a “peace deal” and promises to reopen the Strait. But then, surprise! Iran closed it again, and oil prices bounced back like a trampoline. After Trump’s latest proclamation, though, oil dipped below $100, proving even $100 can’t handle the psychological trauma of geopolitics.

Meanwhile, Bitcoin, that lovable rollercoaster with a broken safety bar, plummeted below $76,000 to hit a weekly low. Yesterday, it tried to scale $79,500 like a caffeinated squirrel, but now it’s shedding over $3,500 faster than a Fed meeting agenda. And what’s the Fed doing? Presumably, they’ll conclude their third FOMC meeting of the year with the same conclusion as every other meeting: “Hey, let’s not change anything.” Yet BTC still plummets like it’s allergic to stability. Coincidence? Or a cosmic omen whispered by Alan Greenspan’s ghost?

Read More

2026-04-28 17:01