Stelios Haji-Ioannou – yes, the EasyJet bloke, whose favourite thing is slapping “easy” on absolutely anything not nailed down (easyStorage, easyPets, easyCoffee, probably easyDivorce at some point) – has decided we all need EasyBitcoin. Because obviously what the cryptocurrency world really needs, apart from more memes and less volatility-induced nausea, is another platform named after something you’d find next to easyHotel. 😏
The launch is scheduled for this month, likely just in time for everyone’s monthly existential crisis about whether Bitcoin is going to zero or mooning. Apparently, the brand partnership is with Uphold, the trading platform, who must be delighted to discover there will soon be a new way for people to lose their money, but with much lower fees. Stelios claims this is badly needed since, shockingly, big exchanges like Binance aren’t exactly falling over themselves to offer discounts. So altruistic of him, really: crypto, but cheaper. Almost sounds like a Ryanair promo, if Ryanair understood anything about crypto or feelings.
According to Bloomberg (because everyone needs one reputable source to show they’re not just making things up), Stelios is keen to jump in now that crypto is “mainstream”-a milestone apparently confirmed by Donald Trump’s second election. Yes, you read that correctly. If Trump can do it twice, perhaps there truly is hope for Dogecoin.
The EasyBitcoin move is, of course, just the latest addition to Stelios’s portfolio, which is starting to look less like an empire and more like a Monopoly board. The man lives on royalties, licensing his brand like a pro. If EasyBitcoin works, expect easyMarsColonies by Christmas.
Just for fun, EasyJet itself-Stelios’s original claim to low-cost fame-has hit a spot of turbulence in 2025. Shares have nosedived thanks to fuel prices, strikes, and the usual drama only airports know how to deliver. Despite it all, Stelios still clings gamely to his 15% slice of the airline, which is presumably worth roughly the change under the seats, but insists he won’t let go. Probably because you never know when you’ll need EasyBailout.
So, the next time you wonder what the future holds for crypto, take comfort: Stelios might soon be offering EasyNFTs, plus an onboard snack for an extra £3.99. ✈️💸🤑
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2025-09-08 16:08