🤯 Crypto & Visa?! You Won’t Believe This!

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Ah, yes, another innovation! As if the world weren’t sufficiently cluttered with financial contrivances, here comes Tangem, with a scheme… a scheme, I say! To link one’s self-custodial assets-those precious, carefully hoarded digital tokens-to the vulgarity of everyday payments. A most curious undertaking, indeed. It’s as if a nobleman decided to frequent the public baths. 🛀

  • They promise you can spend your USDC globally, with a virtual card, while your assets remain…onchain. As if remaining “onchain” is a virtue in itself!
  • The rollout, a process as slow and deliberate as a provincial bureaucrat, begins in late November, crawling across the U.S., LATAM, and APAC+, and will eventually reach the refined societies of the EU/UK in the distant year of 2026. Patience, dear reader, patience!
  • No monthly fees, they declare! As if a few measly coins are what truly concern a discerning individual. And KYC applies only to Tangem Pay, they assure us, leaving the privacy of your Tangem Wallet…somewhat intact, perhaps?

Tangem Pay, they call it. A fittingly bland name for what amounts to a method of spending USDC – that most modern of currencies – using a Visa card, while retaining control of the funds. Such novelty! One wonders if this is progress, or merely a more elaborate form of financial entanglement. 😉

The announcement came on November 6th, as if the world were waiting with bated breath.

Spending USDC Directly From a Self-Custodied Wallet-Imagine!

This Tangem Pay, you see, nestles itself within the existing Tangem Wallet app, a non-custodial payment account. (Non-custodial! How reassuring). One loads it with USDC on the Polygon network – because, naturally, everything must be networked these days – and then embarks on a spending spree, online or in brick and mortar establishments, even through the indignity of Apple Pay or Google Pay. All without converting funds. Such efficiency!

The funds remain-apparently-onchain until the very moment of purchase, at which point USDC is converted, 1:1, into good old-fashioned USD via Visa’s payment rails. Tangem is keen to assure us that control of the private keys remains with the user, though it does involve a peculiar arrangement with a partner named Rain, who holds a key for confirmation purposes. Naturally, Rain cannot abscond with your funds…unless, of course, you deliberately spend them. A most ingenious system!🧐

And rest assured, identity verification applies only to this Tangem Pay contraption and does not-they swear-affect the privacy of your Tangem Wallet. As if one can truly separate the two in this tangled web of modern finance. Only Polygon gas fees and Visa’s wretched foreign exchange charges will apply, as if those little costs never bothered anyone. Support begins with USDC on Polygon because of… well, apparently it’s faster. They plan to add more stablecoins and networks later, because why settle for a little complexity when you can have a lot? 💸

Rollout Regions and Expansion Plan-A Long and Winding Road

The launch, like all things of importance, will be gradual. Users will be “activated” from a waitlist. (A waitlist! The sheer audacity!). The rollout includes the United States, Latin America, and parts of Asia-Pacific – Japan, Singapore, Hong Kong, Australia, South Africa, the UAE, and so on. A physical card is promised…eventually. ⏳

Tangem anticipates reaching the United Kingdom and European Union in early 2026, conveniently timed with new regulations under something called MiCA. A regulatory dance, of course. They describe the whole affair as offering “real-world utility” without compromising the “core ethos of crypto custody.” A grand claim, indeed. One wonders if the core ethos of crypto custody involves making things needlessly complicated.

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2025-11-06 07:52